Big-Brained Primate Calls Birth of Christ "Legend"

If you were the Archbishop of Canterbury, even an Archbishop who considered himself to be educated, enlightened, and well-read, you might take it upon yourself this Christmas to thank God for sending His Son Jesus Christ to save humanity from hellfire. You might take the opportunity, even if you have a liberal arts degree, to point out God's love for all of His children. OR, if you were Dr. Rowan Williams, you might grant interviews in which you tell the entire world that it all sounds quite nice, but it's just a "legend," and that, as most atheists argue, "you can't prove it!" Well, all I can say is, I can't prove Amelia Earhart is dead, but I just take it on faith. Don't get me wrong, I understand where he was coming from. When he says, in his interview with Simon Mayo of the BBC, "Christmas was when it was because it fitted well with the winter festival," he's talking about Saturnalia, the Roman feast in honor of their god Saturn. It makes sense. If I were a Roman emperor trying to convert people to Christianity, I wouldn't want to tick them off by yanking away a popular holiday. That's not the point, though, as even a primate like the good doctor should know. The point is not when we celebrate, or if the magi were kings, or if there was in fact a little drummer boy. The point is that we celebrate! It sounds to me as though the Archbishop is trying very hard to "fit in" with the secular left by showing off his big, fat, enlightened brain by opening his big, fat, enlightened mouth. We get it, you know your history and you have a healthy skepticism. What about faith, though, Dr. Williams? Why marginalize the rest of us who just believe, and celebrate that belief? Was it a good idea to try to score points with the seculars at a time when we are fighting for the right to say "Merry Christmas" to a sales clerk without getting sued? As my mother used to say, for the skeptic, no proof will ever be possible. For the believer, no proof will ever be necessary. I don't care if scholars want to debate the actual date that God sent His only son to be born and crucified for us, and it is to be expected that there will be doubters of the immaculate conception, but don't make the rest of us out to be a bunch of superstitious boobs because we believe that God could love us that much, that there could be miracles.

Save The Planet By Using Toxic Materials

Algore, the High Priest of the Church of Global Warming, wants you to save energy by using Compact Fluorescent Light bulbs. They last longer, use less energy than the old-fashioned Edison light bulbs, which is good for the planet and your wallet, and they contain a toxic chemical. Wait-you didn't know? That's right, those cute little pigtail CFLs contain Mercury, which is known to adversely affect the brain, the spinal cord, the liver, and the kidneys. "Well, big deal," you might say, "the amount in those bulbs is probably safe, and besides, it's inside the bulb!" Right! Until one breaks. When a bulb breaks, the EPA warns people to leave the room right away and stay out for at least fifteen minutes, and when you do go in to clean up the mess, you practically need a HazMat suit. After you use your rubber gloved hands and duct tape to clean up, or if it just burns out and needs to be replaced, you should take it to a recycling center, which may be fifty miles away, depending on where you live. Are you going to do all of that? No, of course not. You're going to pick up the broken bulb with your bare hands, sweep up the rest with a broom, and put it in the trash which will be taken to a landfill, Mercury and all, to pollute the environment! "Well, come on," you may be thinking, "how likely is it that one of these things is just going to break?" Right again. It probably won't "just break." However, when my dog was chasing my cat, it tripped on the cord to the lamp on the table next to my sofa, causing the lamp to fall and the CFL bulb to break very near my youngest daughter. What are you going to do? Dogs chase cats. Accidents happen. Toxic, environmentally conscious accidents. I don't buy those pigtail bulbs anymore. I like my old-fashioned, incandescent, Edison bulbs. They may use more energy, but my house is lit at night, and if they break, my kids' mental development wont be affected. "But I want to do my part for the environment," you say. Fine. Take your chances with Mercury components. Maybe you're the kind of person who will actually drive the fifty miles to recycle one lousy light bulb. How many of those CFLs do you need to use in order to offset the carbon you just spewed into the air by driving that far? I'm just asking, don't get upset. Frankly, I think Algore has got you all bamboozled. The Earth doesn't need our protection, it's we, the consumers, that could use it. One last thing....I went to the store and looked, and I can't find one CFL that's made in America. They're pretty much manufactured in China, the country that gave us poisoned dog food, lead-filled toys, and virus-infected hard drives. Just thought I'd mention it.

Breaking News- Kennedy Still Dead

Yesterday, in addition to being Thanksgiving Day (which was enough for me), was the anniversary of former President John F. Kennedy's death by an assassin in Dallas, Texas. What better way to mark the occasion than by suggesting another (GASP!) conspiracy? That's what I found at www.worldnetdaily.com, one of the web sites I check regularly for news and commentary. In fact, it was the lead story. I guess the story of President Kennedy's murder is still getting this much press 45 years later because...well, a lot of people liked him. That, and the fact that it was (cue Access Hollywood music) "caught on tape!"

People who are old enough to remember where they were when they heard that the president had been shot still seem to think back on that day as if they were survivors of some horrible event like Hurricane Katrina, and almost every one has an opinion as to what really happened. I don't want to downplay the tragedy of losing a President, I really don't mean to sound callous, but why are we still so wrapped up in this? I have never had a conversation with anyone that involved the words, "John Wilkes Booth did not act alone! I can prove it!" No one has ever come up with a vast Teddy Roosevelt conspiracy theory to explain the assassination of President McKinley, to my knowledge. Kennedy, though, is somehow different, and that's why, according to worldnetdaily, a former Illinois state trooper named Abraham Bolden has come out recently to tell us about the Cuban nationals plotting to kill the president just a few weeks before that day in Dallas. Apparently, Mr. Kennedy was supposed to be in Chicago on November 2nd, 1963, to watch the Army-Air Force game, but changed his plans due to an assassination plot, uncovered by former trooper and Secret Service agent Bolden. The short story is, it involved a motel room, some Cubans, a whole mess of automatic weapons, and the president's advertised route to Soldier Field. Thanks to the uncovering of this plot, the President changed his plans so he could be assassinated in Dallas instead. So...who killed Kennedy? Cubans? North Vietnamese? The Mafia? Joe DiMaggio? The Boys From Brazil? Vice-President Johnson? The CIA? Why, there's just no way Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone! I've heard so much about it now that it's gotten to be like OJ for me, I don't care who did it anymore. It seems like a lot of people wanted him dead, so unless Agatha Christie comes out and announces once and for all it was suspect X, I say we just let him rest in peace. I guess you could argue that because I didn't grow up with "Camelot," I can't fully appreciate that day in Dallas. I wasn't "there," man. You might say that I don't understand what a great leader he was, and you're right, I don't. In fact, other than getting killed in a convertible, the botched Bay of Pigs invasion, and a supposed affair with an also dead Hollywood bimbo named Marilyn, I've never read in any book about his great achievements as president. I'm not trying to be an iconoclast, here, but it's about time we let President Kennedy be dead and leave him that way. If you want to remember him, remember PT 109. Remember that he chose to serve his country, don't focus on the matted gore in his poor wife's lap. Stop looking under your beds for the bogeyman, you can't serve his memory very well that way, and it sure can't bring him back.

ACLU Pours Gasoline on Christmas, Catch Selves on Fire

It's official, folks, the "turn the other cheek" rule has been met, for we are out of cheeks. I discovered on WorldNetDaily.com an interesting story by Bob Unruh about tiny little Fort Collins, a town mostly populated by Christians and Jews, which seeks, at least officially, to distance itself from its' constituency by chasing the chimera of "diversity." That's right , a city task force, led by an ACLU volunteer, wants to be more "inclusive" by excluding Christians and Jews. Originally, I made the assumption that by some mistake, the people voted for people that obviously don't represent them, but it' seems to me now, after a little thought, to be law suit driven. This is a disgusting example of "cover your ass syndrome," or CYAS. What does this task force want to enforce? Well...all lights must be white. Red and green are just to symbolic of Christianity (huh?). Garland is Okay, but it can't have any ribbons (huh?). Too symbolic. No Menorahs, no Christmas trees, no wreaths with bows on them will be allowed, and if you even whisper the word "Nativity," you will be branded an ignorant bigot. As reported in WND, Seth Anthony said, "I expect criticism from people who feel like we are taking Christmas away. And I expect we will get criticism from people who think educational display endorses religions," Anthony said. "(But) to the extent we can, recognizing that offending no one will be impossible, we want to be inclusive." Yeah...inclusive by EXcluding the very people who celebrate this holiday! Well, the duly elected Sheriff of Larimer County, Jim Alderden, will have none of it. He is reported as saying, ".....restricting symbols of Christian faith on public property is beyond the pale. In recognition and celebration of Christmas, members of the LCSO will be displaying a Christmas tree – not a holiday tree – on our front lawn at 2501 Midpoint Drive. We will be decorating the tree on December 1 at 10:00 a.m. and invite members of the public who share our faith or object to government intrusion into our religious freedoms to join us," he said. Let us not forget that the purpose of the Bill of Rights declares the right to freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. One of our founding fathers, John Adams, contributed to the constitution of Massachusetts by calling upon the "great legislator of the universe." I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about congress or the ACLU. As it turns out, the public agrees with their elected official. A quote I found on WND proclaims, "If the city council decided to not acknowledge Christmas on public grounds this year then all city offices should be open for business on Dec. 25th, white lights shining! Don't want to offend anyone by stopping city business for a day to celebrate a holiday not everyone believes in." Well said, citizen. I tell you what...I won't make a fuss about Christianity being displayed in public so long as the mailman shows up at my door on 25. December 2007, weekday or not. No overtime, no complaints, no excuses. Let's take it a step further...change the name of St. Paul, Minnesotta to Citizen Paul, Minnesotta! Would that make the ACLU happy? Maybe. But it seems obvious by public outcry that the more the ACLU and their ilk try to burn out religion from the public square, the more they find themselves tied to the stake. Why do they do it? All so some Muslim doesn't sue the city for a billion dollars for the mention of Christ on the day we celebrate His birth. The Sherriff has the right idea. No religious symbols on public property? Fine. Let every private citizen put the biggest Nativity scene they can on their front lawns. Try to ignore that.

The Last Time Hillary Was President

I was talking with a gentleman the other day who seems to think Hillary Clinton will become our nation's next president, and I was interested to know why. "Well," the man said, "just look at the '90s...every thing was going great when Bill and Hillary were running things. I told him I thought he might be viewing the "good ole days" through rose-colored lenses, but I don't think he was listening, so I figured I'd provide some visual aids. Let's see, there was Waco...remember how well that went? Talk about bringing people to justice! Lemme think...um...oh, yeah, thanks to the way the Clinton administration handled Waco and Ruby Ridge, Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols decided to drive a Ryder truck with 5,000 pounds of explosives into the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, thus causing the deaths of 168 people and injuring 800 more. The slogan on McVeigh's t-shirt was Sic semper tyrannis. Boy, those Clintons sure do inspire feelings of patriotism and foster a certain kind of trust in government, don't they?

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "come on, buddy, you can't really be blaming the Clintons for the actions of a few nut jobs!" Well...no...I guess not. Janet Reno, however....maybe. And who put her at the head of the Department of Justice? Oh, I almost forgot! The Battle of Mogadishu in 1993! This is where Osama ben Laden got the idea that America was just a pushover, a paper tiger. Judging by the events that followed the crash of two of our MH-60 Blackhawks, ben Laden decided Americans just don't have the stomach for war, at least not for very long. We lost just under 20 of our brave troops to a horde of brutal thugs (many more were injured)...funny though, when George Bush began it, it was to provide humanitarian aid. When the Clintons took over, Operation Provide Relief morphed into Operation Gothic Serpent, a nation-building mission. However, since it didn't go so smoothly, co-presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton decided we should tuck our tails and run.

I could mention some other fond memories of the "Decade of Clinton," things like Filegate, Whitewater, you know, but those facts seem to bore people. Let me dig down here in my memory bag, and...ah, there it is....MONICA! "I did not have sex with that woman. I did not lie to a Federal Judge. I did not bomb Iraq to get people's minds off of me not having sex with that woman." Oh, wait...yeah...he did do all of that! Some of you don't think it was a big deal...at least not the sex part. Okay, but committing perjury? C'mon. Defend that one.

Then, of course, there was little Elian. Forgot about him, didn't you? Did you also forget about the Federal agent pointing a machine gun at his head? Did you forget that a government SWAT team broke down the door to get a little boy staying with family so they could drag him back to Communist Cuba and Papa Fidel? Up until then, I was under the impression that the United States of America, even under a Democrat-run administration, promoted freedom and welcomed with open arms those fleeing tyrannical communist regimes. I guess little Elian is the only immigrant Democrats don't like.

I'll leave you with this image. The destroyer USS Cole, just three years old, roughly. Notice the gaping hole in its' side? Al Qaeda did that. Just a couple of guys in a rubber raft with a deep hatred for America, really. What did we do about it under the Clinton administration? Well...we offered a reward! Wowee, nothing says "don't tread on me" like a $5 million reward! Personally, I would have preferred a more Bush-like approach. But that's the 90s folks, the stuff you didn't want to remember about the Clinton years. Are you still excited at the thought of having Bill and Hillary Clinton running the country again? That's kind of what I thought.

Sen. Reid: Tremendous Abuse of Power Leads To Charity

As should have been expected, democrats shot themselves in the foot and them claimed, "I meant to do that!" In yet another attempt to "defend the constitution" by shredding it, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) sent a letter to Clear Channel intended to intimidate them into silencing Rush Limbaugh. At the very least, it demanded an apology from Rush for being critical of soldiers who are against the war, a bald-faced lie. Ooops. It backfired. Mark Mays, head of Clear Channel, gave the letter to Rush, who then auctioned it off for a military charity on eBay for over $2,000,000. Some of you may not really get what's happened here, so I'll spell it out. Democrats in congress wasted taxpayer time and money in congress expressing outrage at something a private citizen never even said. Then they used the power of government to intimidate the citizen's boss into firing him or making him take back what he never said, though he had every constitutional right to say it. It backfired, and the letter designed to threaten private business, private citizens, was used by the intended victims to raise money for a charity. This exposed the abuse of power, vindicated Limbaugh, helped the families of Marines and law enforcement, and embarrassed the 41 democrat signatories to the letter. How did Sen. Reid respond? "What could be a more worthwhile cause? I think it's really good that this money on eBay is going to be raised for this purpose. When I spoke to Mark Mays, he and I thought this probably wouldn't make much money, a letter written by Democratic senators complaining about something." Well! To hear him tell it, he's a freaking hero who had this all planned from the start! I'm sure he was sitting in his office last week thinking to himself, "you know, we need to raise money for the families of marines and law enforcement officers who have fallen in the line of duty. Obviously, the best way to do that is to tap dance on the Bill of Rights and abuse the power of government! I know! Let's try to get Rush Limbaugh fired, that ought to raise some funds!" Well...it's plausible. After all, it seems the only way democrats can win at anything is by smearing people and telling lies. Maybe he and the 40 other democrats really tried to use evil for a good cause. Or maybe they were exposed for the power-hungry hypocrites they are, maybe they got caught abusing the power they were given by the people, maybe they're a bunch of crooks caught in the act and they think if they just shrug their shoulders and say, "well, it all ended okay," we'll forgive and forget. Forget that they tried to stomp all over freedom of speech? Not even for $2,000,000, Harry. No way.

Robotic Politician Wins Medal For Peace By Scaring The Hell Out of Everyone

Algore was awarded the Nobel peace prize today for his commitment to teaching people that we're all going to die in a few short years and it's all our fault because we live and breathe. Some people say the award is really for his award-winning documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," which, ironically, is filled with "serious scientific inaccuracies, political propaganda and sentimental mush," according to British High Court judge Michael Burton (as reported by WorldNetDaily.com). Either way, all I can say is, at least they didn't give him the Nobel prize for science. If he were so worried about hot air, he'd shut his yap, that's all. Kids are loosing sleep because they think the SUV mommie drives them to school in is destroying the earth and killing polar bears thanks to this buffoon! Nobel prize for peace? He deserves a swift kick in the pants! Here's a guy who says the very act of human respiration-inhaling oxygen and emitting carbon dioxide, for those of you who forgot your 3rd grade science book, is going to turn the Earth into a giant fireball. Do you believe him? Then why do you talk to your plants? Here's the problem. For the most part, people are good and want to feel they are doing their part to make the world a better place. For a lot of people, just saying there is a problem is enough to atone for their perceived part in it. Some folks even go so far as to make sure they use the least amount of toilet paper possible to save trees. Some, however, feel the need to make preachy movies about junk science to scare the hell out of people and guilt them into accepting bigger government and useless carbon taxes. They just have to believe it, they have to....because if they listened to people like Dr. William Grey, a leading hurricane forecaster, they'd feel like boobs. Doesn't feel very good to learn you've been duped by a failed politician turned pseudo-scientist...it's easier to believe the lie. So, today Algore the Alarmist is celebrated, because he cares. Too bad someone who is actually doing something to secure peace didn't win. You know, someone like General Petraeus.

"Most Ethical Congress" Seeks Investigation Into Dangerous Thing Called "Free Speech"

Here we go again, once more on the "Fairness Doctrine" merry-go-round. This is how it works with liberals like Harry Reid and Nacy Pelosi; If it's flag burning or pornography in the streets, it's free speech, but if a guy on the radio says he's tired of illegal immigration or says he's offended by porn in the streets it's hate speech. The thing that free speech and hate speech have in common , apparently, is that both are defined by liberals. Once you realise this, it should not be a surprise that Rep. Henry Waxman, Democrat, California, is reportedly launching an investigation on famed talk radio host Rush Limbaugh. That's right, the people who promised us back in January the most ethical congress in our country's history are wasting taxpayer time and money digging up dirt on one of their biggest critics in an attempt to shut him up. These self-proclaimed sentinels of our most sacred rights as citizens are the first ones to tell you they stand for freedom of speech and are invariably the first ones to try to take it away from you. "You can't say that! That's hate speech! That's not politically correct! Why, something has to be done about all of these people expressing their personal views! There ought to be a law! We need to launch investigations, hearings, hangings! How dare you say something I personally disagree with!" Calling themselves the Democratic Party is an insult to the very word "democratic." Now, I'm not really worried about Rush Limbaugh. He can take care of himself. As he said on his program, "It's a pretty serious charge that the chairman of the House Government Oversight Committee is going to compile reports and conduct investigations of private citizens who work on the radio." This is bigger than Rush, or Hannity, this threatens anyone who states an opinion, anywhere, anytime, in any forum. I've told you before, folks, if they succeed in resurrecting the Fairness Doctrine, it will spill over into the internet, into coffee houses, and even your overheard cell phone conversations. It has nothing to do with "fairness." It has everything to do with silencing the opposition. Conservatives like myself are usually called nasty names like "Nazi," but let me ask you this...what seems more American to you, offering up an opposing viewpoint or trying to silence it? Think about it.

"Indigenous Peoples" Mad At Dead Italian Explorer

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day! Guess what?

According to an article on www.reuters.com by Keith Coffman, a handful of American Indians decided to display their outrage at a century-old peaceful demonstration in Denver by getting themselves arrested for disrupting it. Their apparent spokesman, an "Indian Activist" named Russell Means, claims that Christopher Columbus is personally responsible for a legacy of genocide, slavery, occupation, and death. Oh, yeah, and he's the bogeyman. Those are pretty serious charges, one has to admit, but I understand Columbus is guilty of a few other things, as well. For example, he is directly responsible for the spread of Christianity, capitalism, and for opening up the globe for exploration! Egad! Why hasn't someone dug him up and tossed his dusty bones in jail? On a side note, I noticed that the Ottawa Tribal Office here in my little corner of Oklahoma will be closed for Columbus day, and of course they'll all be in church this morning, but I'm pretty sure I heard their Casino will be open for business tomorrow. Still, I'm sure they're just as outraged at the destruction of their homeland as Mr. Mean. I'm sure they're all mad as hell that the discovery of the Americas by evil Europeans led to the rise of the most powerful, influential, democratic, and economically vibrant nation in the world in which the people are guaranteed the right to protest. Who could doubt the hatred they have in their hearts for Christopher Columbus as they leave the Baptist Church parking lot in their new gas-guzzling, polluting Hummers to get a buffalo burger at that little diner on Main Street that's run by "the white man." No doubt the many Indian casinos around the area are designed to give us a better understanding of their culture and the profits will be used to build sturdier wigwams and save the endangered..um...pidgeon. I'm sure they see no irony in hating Columbus at the same time they go on the line to price their next trip to Italy. Oh, well. Despite all of the "bad" that was done by Columbus, I'm still a grateful American, so until some boob changes Columbus, Ohio to Indigenouspeoplestown, Ohio, I'm still going to celebrate. How about you?

Joe Lieberman: Recovering Democrat

Is Joe Lieberman the only liberal thinker out there who understands how foolish it is to put partisan politics before national security? In an interview with The Hill,

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/lieberman-escalates-attack-on-iraq-critics-2007-07-31.html, he blasts his former liberal allies on their continued criticism of the president and the war. “I fear that some people take this position also because anything President Bush is for, they’ll be against, and that’s wrong,” said Lieberman, a staunch advocate of the war. “There’s a great tradition in our history of partisanship generally receding when it comes to foreign policy. But for the moment we’ve lost that.” That little quote, folks, explains it all. Liberal Democrats hate George Bush so much that they will blame him for anything, even a natural disaster, and anything he is for the will automatically be against. Hurricane Katrina? George Bush's fault. 9/11? George Bush's fault. Global warming? George Bush's fault. The sinking of Titanic? They're not sure they can prove it, but they know George Bush sank it. Liberals hate him so much that, even in the middle of a war against an evil enemy that wants all Christians and Jews dead, they can't bring themselves to admit that sometimes fighting is the only option. Because Joe Lieberman doesn't subscribe to the point of view that anything George Bush says or does is wrong, they hung him out to dry in the last election, even though he was the Democrat Party's choice for Vice President in 2000. Yet, as American voters seem to like a guy who has the courage to stand by his beliefs, he won his Senate seat as an independent. “I think either [Democrats] are, in my opinion, respectfully, naïve in thinking we can somehow defeat this enemy with talk, or they’re simply hesitant to use American power, including military power,” Lieberman was quoted as saying by The Hill. Well, maybe, but it's more likely that no Democrat wants to be caught siding with the president. Lieberman is so put off by this that he hasn't ruled out jumping ship entirely and becoming a Republican. Keep in mind, by the way, that Joe Lieberman is in no way, shape, or form a conservative. That has to say something for the direction the Democrat party is going, don't you think? Could he become the first nationally recognized liberal Republican? I wonder if there's a support group for that.....

Peruvian Children Die As Global Warming Causes Deadly Cold Snap

I wonder if Algore has heard about this one. According to the BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6916717.stm, "At least 70 children have died during a spell of freezing weather in the Andean regions of Peru." That's right, folks, freezing temperatures in South America are killing people. According to this article, this is taking place up in the Andes, so some of you might be thinking, "hey, it's the mountains, it gets pretty cold there." Not so fast. The article goes on to say that, "Even low-lying jungle regions are facing unusually cold weather, with temperatures dropping to 10C (50F). " Yep, 50 degrees in the jungle! Okay, you global warming kooks out there, show me how a deadly cold snap in South America that is supposed to last through September is caused by man-made global warming. Explain to me how my car and my wife's minivan and our carbon footprint is giving small children in Peru pneumonia. I can already hear you, "Well, Mr. Johnson, you arrogant, bombastic, capitalist pig, it has to do with extreme 'climate change.' All of the carbon dioxide humans like yourself spew into the atmosphere is shaking things up so badly that poor old Mother Nature doesn't know what to do! There's a balance, Mr. Johnson, and you aren't doing your part. That's why those poor third world kids are dying." Does that about sum it up? You people are so quick to believe in global warming because of the guilt that Algore and the doom-and-gloom media tell you that you should be feeling thanks to human progress! You expect me to feel guilt for my carbon footprint? Let me tell you a little secret. Shhhhh.... let me whisper it in your ear. HUMAN BEINGS BREATH OXYGEN AND EXHALE CARBON DIOXIDE! THAT"S HOW RESPIRATION WORKS! AND THE TREES ACTUALLY NEED IT TO LIVE! MY EXHALING IS NOT KILLING THE PLANET, YOU STUPID MOOKS! So go to Hell. When you get there, you may experience a little warming, but don't blame it on the rest of us.

Closed Due To Flood

Sorry, everyone, but since my house was covered in flood water, I'll be unable to provide snarky comments and sage political analysis for a while. Please pray for us and our home. Thanks!

25. July 2007 UPDATE:

Well, obviously the water has receeded, but our house has a red tag on it. That means it will be a little while yet before I can secure a place for us to live, so please be patient while I scout the real estate market. The Blog Of The Union Address Will Return!

26. July 2007 UPDATE:

Thanks for all of your prayers and good wishes! We are in the process of buying property far away from any bodies of water, and I'll be posting within the hour!

Religion of Peace Rejoyces Over Bombings

You know, it's funny...I keep hearing people say that Islam is a religion of peace, but every time Muslims are offended by something, they react by advocating murder. Here's an example: a guy by the name of Abu Osama al-Hazeen posted in a chat forum, "Today I say: Rejoice ... By Allah London shall be bombed." Why would any peace-loving person say something like this? Because Salman Rushdie was Knighted by the queen of England, that's why. You remember him, don't you, the guy who wrote a work of fiction called The Satanic Verses which angered a bunch of Muslims who called for his assassination? Yup, this book offended the peace-loving Muslims, and when Muslims are offended, they kill people. This al-Hazeen guy says the English were asking for it, saying, "Is Britain longing for Al Qaeda's bombings? We, and the whole world has seen what Britain has done ... their intention to honour Salman Rushdie who insulted and slandered Islam. " Somebody wrote a book Muslims don't like, therefore a whole nation should be bombed, is that what I should infer from this? According to Rosie O'Donnell, radical Christians are just as dangerous as radical Muslims, but I don't remember any car bombings happening when The DaVinci Code was published, do you? Sure, some people picketed outside theaters when The Last Temptation of Christ came out, but nobody died and nothing blew up. Sorry, Rosie, I have got to disagree with you. Muslims, on the other hand, threatened violence on the Pope for quoting a guy who has been dead for centuries, but we keep being reminded that they are a religion of peace. It's like pointing at a duck and saying, "hey, that's a duck," and the duck angrily says, "no, I'm not (quack)!" So why is everyone so quick to defend these guys? Because we don't want to offend the Muslims. We all know what happens when you offend the religion of peace.

Crazy Venezuelan Bastard Prepares For War With Uninterested Super Power

Get This.

Hugo Chavez, the Mussolini of South America, is preparing for a war with the U.S., according to a story from worldnetdaily.com. He got all dressed up like G.I. Joe and told his soldiers, "We must continue developing the resistance war, that's the anti- imperialist weapon. We must think and prepare for the resistance war everyday." The funny thing to me is, this guy thinks we care. Look at this guy. I'd be more threatened if I saw Mr. Potatohead wearing a red Beret. Come on, Hugo, this really is a bit like an ant gearing up for war against an Elephant. Until he called our president the devil, I never gave him a second thought, did you? If I did, it was something like, "Venezuela? Who the hell cares about Venezuela?" Anyway, this twerp apparently thinks we care enough about them to attack them, because Venezuela just bought up a whole mess of junky old Russian weapons for $3 billion dollars ("is bargain, comrade, Buy 100,000 Kalashnikov rifles, get 1 SU-30 Sukhoi fighter jet free!") . Chavez was quoted as saying, "The American empire is doing all it can to consolidate its system of domination. And we cannot allow them to do that. We cannot allow world dictatorship to be consolidated." This coming from a guy who tells his citizens what T.V. channels they can watch. Pot, meet kettle. Listen, Venezuela, America is NOT coming to kill you, trust me. In fact, we're going to start burning our food in our gas tanks so that we don't even need your oil, okay? That Castro-loving crazy needs a good kick in the pants, but not from America, from his own people. Unless he was harboring Osama ben Laden. Then it would be his ass.

Refusing to Assimilate

Surprise, surprise. Someone suggests a way to make it easier for Spanish speaking immigrants to assimilate, and the "Latin Community" gets angry. According to foxnews.com, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was quoted Wednesday night at the annual convention of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists as saying, "You've got to turn off the Spanish television set...You're just forced to speak English, and that just makes you learn the language faster." He was attacked, of course, by California Democrats and special interest groups, being called "ignorant" and "naive," because, as a spokesperson for Univision, a U.S.-based Spanish-language television network put it, "Spanish-language media helps Hispanics stay connected to their cultural heritage and important public information." Yeah, and puts money in the pockets of...Univision. All of this talk about staying connected to heritage is crap, folks. Look, the Italian and Jewish immigrants of days gone by had no problem staying connected to their heritage despite the lack of Italian or Yiddish programming on the air. In fact, because they didn't have a crutch like a TV station broadcasting in their native tongue, they and their children learned the English language and flourished within a generation. That's part of the reason we don't have street signs and billboards in German, or Polish, or Gaelic. I don't know about you, but if i were to move to Russia, I would not get upset because I couldn't get the local weather broadcast in English. Here's another response reported by Fox: "Francisco Hernandez, an immigration attorney, said there’s nothing wrong with encouraging immigrants to learn English but there’s no need for 'immigrant bashing... We have to remember that Spanish is part of this country’s heritage. There’s nothing wrong with it.'" What a load of crap. Sure, maybe if you go all the way back to 1492, but this isn't about Columbus or the Alamo, this is about being a strong nation united by it's borders, language, and national identity. I have no patience for anyone who tells me that people marching in the streets with Mexican flags and shouting protests in Spanish are just trying to "connect with their heritage." Schwarzenegger critics say that enough isn't done by the government to help immigrants learn English, but I say it's not the government's job to help you learn English, it's the immigrants' responsibility. People from all over the globe come to this country, learn to speak English without the aid of government, and prosper by assimilating into the dominant culture without losing their sense of pride in their own distinct heritage, but by embracing American heritage. Everyone else gets it. Why do Spanish-speaking immigrants feel they should get special treatment? Because they choose not to assimilate. I say leave Arnold alone. After all, he's an immigrant, too, remember?

Google Search George Carlin Immigration Gas Iraq Chain Letter Hoax

Here, once again, Googlers, is your answer, as quoted from George Carlin's site.

"Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me. " Read it at http://georgecarlin.com/home/home.html You know, about 75% of the traffic I receive is about this chain letter hoax. Some people come here to read my thoughts on Pelosi and the Logan Act, one or two have been here to read about the Wallonia BBQ Tax hoax, and every now and then, someone pops by to read about the Anbar Awakening. All worthy topics, mind you, but the amount of energy people put into the George Carlin chain letter hoax on saving gas by drafting all illegals into the army is astounding. Who actually wrote it? No one knows. If this is such a great idea, though, why didn't the author of this rant take credit for it? Easy. If Joe Blow says something as heated as, "The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants," who's going to listen? It would probably end in a bar fight, and that would be the end of it. However, if you credit it to a famous comedian, suddenly your message has weight! Send it around as an e-mail chain letter, and your idea has become a phenomenon. And if people challenge the idea as being racist or offensive, well, you can always blame Carlin and say, "Hey, it was only a joke!" Whatever the intent of the author, he or she succeeded in getting a lot of attention, especially George Carlin's. By remaining anonymous, the hoaxer has created an explosion of searches on Google, which means the message is getting around. Personally, while I think the chain letter is extreme in tone and principle, I do believe offering military service as a path to citizenship is a good idea. Obviously, a lot of people agree with that. I say what you should be doing, instead of Googling the chain letter, is e-mailing your congressman. But if you want to read the letter, it can be found in my post for Wednesday, March 21, 2007 in my archives. There. Now your Google search is over. You're welcome.

The Battle For Jericho Is Over!

The theme for what was to be Jericho's last episode on CBS was, "if you value it, fight for it, and never give up." In a one word answer to a threat, Jake Green quotes a WWII general by telling the enemy, "NUTS!" In keeping with the spirit of this bold answer, when CBS announced Jericho would be cancelled, fans sent not just letters and e-mails, but...nuts. Thousands of them. We fans fought hard to get Jericho back, and finally won, but, CBS warns, it's our job as loyal fans to recruit more viewers. The quote from the official statement reads, "We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks." Ok, fine, I'll tell my friends, but I thought it was networks that are responsible for advertising and promoting. CBS seemed truly awed and humbled by their collective dismissal of the loyalty and passion of the Jericho fan base in the opening to the statement, which starts, "Wow! Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard. As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of “Jericho” for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more “Jericho,” we will need more viewers." Ok, thanks for listening to your viewers, for bringing back our favorite show. Here's how you get some buzz. Get Katie Couric to report on the "Save Jericho" campaign and show those who aren't watching just how loyal the fan base is, what we did, the response, and show them all of those nuts! People watching the news will say to themselves, "Huh. I can't believe the fans did all of that. That show must be pretty good, I'll have to check out the re-runs this summer. Of course, I'm no Madison Avenue Ad Man, but I think it could work. In the meantime, my thanks to CBS and my fellow fans who brought Jericho back to life. If you're not watching, you should. If you believe in America, in self-reliance, in fighting for what you believe in, and good television, you will love Jericho. If you believe in none of those things, tune in, and maybe you will begin to believe.

CBS Execs Loose Their Damn Minds, Cancel Only Great Show

Yeah, it's true. Sad to say, but Jericho will not have a season two. I don't think there has ever been a show on television that captured my attention so immediately and held it for so long, and if you were a kid like me, it's not hard to see why. I grew up during the Cold War, when the threat of global nuclear war was always hovering over our heads, during the Iran hostage crisis, when, on the CBS evening news, I watched as young Arab radicals burned our flag and proclaimed America the Great Satan. The nation was still licking the wounds of Viet Nam, scared by an energy crisis, tired of losing economic ground to foreign countries, and angry at Jimmy Carter for telling us it was all our fault. If you grew up in these times, too, you probably know, as I know, that Jericho maybe fiction, but it's pretty close to being a prediction. Add to that a superior cast of actors and actresses, exceptional dialogue, realistic outcomes, and enough mystery to keep a person in suspense to the very point of screaming at the T.V., "Oh! I've got it! Hawkins is in league with the Chinese," and you have got a show that beats the tar out of 24 any day of the week. So why would CBS cancel such a show? Well...one angry viewer believes CBS is run by liberals who don't want to seem sympathetic to the president and the war on terror. Another suggests that it's part of a conspiracy. Some people blame CBS for pitting such a show against American Idol. I'm not in the mind of CBS execs, so I can't say why they cancelled it, but I can tell you this: NBC tried to cancel Quantum Leap and were met with scores of angry viewers holding signs that read, "Keep The Leap!" Not only did the show survive, it now lives on and does well on the SCI-Fi Network. Folks, let me tell you something. I've often said that we don't live in a democracy, we live in a republic, but this time the people really have a say. Here's what I want you to do. Don't just go to CBS and bitch, go to Proctor & Gamble, or Chase Manhattan, and tell them you want Jericho back. If they don't put the money back into Jericho, assure them they will loose money. Then make it happen. Normally, I'm against boycotts, but just this once, I'm willing to compromise to support good television. Jericho is the one show on Television that spoke to Americans without speaking down to them, and it had a huge future, not to mention a huge following and incredible social relevance. Save This show, people. It's more important than American Idol, and more important than you know.

Tell Your Congressman

Well. I knew that people had strong feelings about illegal immigration, but I had no idea that a stupid chain letter would get everyone so worked up. Lots of you have been coming here looking for George Carlin's opinion on illegal immigration, saving gas, and the war on Iraq, and I tried to clear things up, but you still keep coming. Let me try again. GEORGE CARLIN DID NOT WRITE THAT CHAIN LETTER ABOUT SAVING GAS BY DRAFTING MEXICANS INTO OUR ARMY! Loud enough for you? Here, once again, in case you missed it, is George Carlin's address. You can go to his site and ask him yourself. http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/home.html I hope that settles it. All I was saying was the author of the hoax had a point about a clear path toward citizenship. I do not advocate shipping Mexicans over to Iraq for the purpose of getting them killed to save us a buck on fuel. Jeez! Didn't any of you read past the text of the chain letter? This is not a new problem, folks, it's been going on for generations in this country. Did you know there was a time in American history when it was worse to be an Irish immigrant in New Orleans than a black man? True story. The shopkeepers would have signs in the windows that read, "Help Wanted: No Irish Need Apply." They had to form their own city, which is now the Irish Channel near the Garden District. The same thing happened with the Italians when they came here. We almost went to war with Italy because Italian immigrants were tried for murdering New Orleans police chief Hennessey. No racial or ethnic group has the patent on persecution, folks, heck, even the pilgrims were running from something. My point is this: If you want to come to America to find a better life for yourself, I applaud you, but you have to do it legally. One way we could make it easier is by offering service in our military as one path towards citizenship. If you are willing to die for this country, that shows a dedication some natural born citizens just don't have. Once again, I do not suggest that we round up all illegal immigrants and draft them, not even if gas prices go to $5 a gallon. I was just suggesting an alternative the the present situation, which is clearly not working. As to the author of the George Carlin chain letter hoax, I can't speak for that person, but if you agree with them, don't come to me. Tell your congressman.

Holy Crap! Algore Is Right!

Holy crap! Algore said something I actually agree with! According to Breitbart.com, he was quoted as saying, "What is it about our collective decision-making process that has led us to this state of affairs where we spend much more time in the public forum talking about -- or receiving information about -- Britney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton going to jail?" Well...he's right. Of course, anyone who knows me knows I think global warming is a bunch of crap, so this one instance is probably the only time the former Veep and I will see eye to eye, but I have to give him credit for this one, especially since MTV and Hollywood are what got him and Clinton into the White House. Mind you, he brought this up at his own big-time celebrity book signing in New York, where he was given the Hollywood treatment himself, but at least he's not lost sight of, in his words, "[the] destruction of the boundary between news and entertainment." I mean, here we are in the middle of a war, and people care more about what Rosie O'Dumbass and Elizabeth Hasslebroad think than what's actually going on in Iraq. Ground-breaking abortion legislation goes through in Oklahoma, but most people are busy googling Paris Hilton, not writing their state representatives. When I turn on the radio, I don't want to hear about Mel the jew-hating Gibson, KKKramer, or Anna Nicole's dead body. I don't care how many squares of toilet paper Sheryl Crow uses, and I don't care if Britney Spears is communicating with beings on Mars. Algore may be wrong about global warming, but he's right about America's addiction to these circus freaks we call "celebrities." Then again, it looks like he's on his way to joining them.

Honor Them

When you're firing up the grill this weekend or piling the kids into the car to go to the beach this weekend, I want you to think about something.

3,415 service members have died so far in Operation Iraqi Freedom. 47,424 died in Viet Nam. 33,741 died in Korea. This weekend, we honor those who have fought and are fighting for our country, most of them just kids when their nation called on them, many of them grandfathers now, and so many who have fallen. I'm not going to go into a big rant about why we need to be in Iraq or Afghanistan today, because that isn't what this weekend is for. Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen are not asked what they think about doing their job, they just do it, and they do it well. Be proud of them, even if you think Viet Nam was wrong, even if you think the South will rise again, everyone owes these brave men and women a debt of gratitude, or at the very least, a great deal of respect. So, no debate for me this weekend, I don't care how you feel about the war. To every service member, past, present, and future, I say, "thank-you, and God bless America."

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Here's the headline for "The Blotter" at abcnews.com:

"Bush Authorizes New Covert Action Against Iran"

Do you see what's wrong with this?

This would never have happened back in 1941, folks. For some reason, in this age of instant information and reality T.V. shows, people think we have the right to know everything, and know it now. Apparently, journalists leave their scruples in the dorm room when they graduate, because I can see no reason for reporting on the world wide web that "The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert "black" operation to destabilize the Iranian government..." Does ABC News believe that the government of Iran has not yet discovered that a thing called "the Internet" exist and that the information on it is free and easy to obtain, unlike classified national security intelligence? What the hell is going on here, people, what eve happened to the words "top secret?" For crying out loud, the Iranian government doesn't even need spies, all they have to do is go to the front door and pick up the morning newspaper! ABC News is one of those organisations that is constantly reminding us how awful war is, and yet here they are reporting on intelligence that could cause an international incident! Aaaarrgh! Why don't they just change the name to the Al-Jazzira Broadcasting Company and be done with it? Even if you are against the war, any war, why would you feel compelled to put American lives in jeopardy by reporting this stuff? ABC goes on to say that "Still, some fear that even a nonlethal covert CIA program carries great risks." Gee. You think so? Maybe that's why it was supposed to be a SECRET, you JACKASSES! There used to be a saying in times of war; "Loose lips sink ships." It means, "keep your big mouth shut or you'll kill a thousand of our boys. Shame on you, ABC News. Freedom of the press is one thing, but irresponsibility in journalismis another.

Tin Ear? It's Called "Resolve."

The Speaker of the Blouse is at it again. According to an article on breitbart.com, Speaker Pelosi accused the president of having selective hearing by saying he has a "tin ear." I suppose she's upset because the president refused to compromise, and I could understand that if we were talking about anything other than the war. In war, there can be no compromise, you either win or you lose. Compromise in warfare would be like saying, "hey, I tell you what, we'll only kill you on Tuesdays and Thursdays if you promise not to use soccer balls and baby dolls as bombs." Yeah, right. Wanna shake on it? Anyway, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell gets it. "Look," he said, "we need to have a compromise if we want to get the job done before Memorial Day. We know how to get there. It's to take out the surrender date. Any kind of reasonable benchmarks on the Iraqi government I think are going to have broad bipartisan support. That's clearly the way to get there." You see? By "compromise," he means, "we get what we want, and you get hosed." I'm sick of hearing about compromise. We didn't compromise with Adolf Hitler. We didn't make a deal with Hirohito. We didn't "come to terms" with dictators the way the Speaker would like to do. No. We bombed them until they gave us an unconditional surrender. This is a problem for Pelosi, who says "when it comes to the war in Iraq, the president has a tin ear. He just cannot hear, except that which he wants to hear on it." That's because, Madame Speaker, he is the Commander in Chief of our armed services and he's trying to wage war on a deadly enemy! If she gets her way, all the enemy has to do is go underground, mark our surrender on their calenders, and wait. The president knows this, and, since it is his duty to win this war, he rejects any planned withdrawal date. That's not selective hearing, it's resolve. He refuses to lead by public opinion polls, and that's called having the courage of his convictions. I, for one, don't want a "deal." I want victory. Then again, my hearing's pretty bad, too.

George Carlin Calls Chain Letter Hoax " just plain stupid"

Once and for all, folks, George Carlin is not the author of the chain letter your friends keep sending you. Don't believe me? Go to his website and see for yourself. Go on, I'll wait right here, the link is below.

http://georgecarlin.com/home/home.html

See? Told you so. I kind of suspected it from the start, back when a friend of mine sent me one of these chain letters attributed to Mr. Carlin, and I expressed my doubt in a post from back on Wednesday, March 21, 2007, although I think the author had a valid point about a clear path to citizenship. What I didn't know was that there are other "statements" attributed to good old George. Along with gas and Mexicans, he is also listed as the author of "Paradox of our Time," "I'm A Bad American," and "Katrina Hurricane Rules." So how does he feel about being "emulated" in this way? Carlin says on his website, "because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it." So, the question is, why, if this person feels so strongly about these issues, don;t they put their own name on these articles, or essays, or whatever they are meant to be? I think it falls under the same category as "ass-covering." When you say something that is politically and socially charged as "send all Mexican immigrants to Iraq," you may not get the glowing support of the PC police, but if you say George Carlin said it, well, hey, you're just quoting a source, right? The problem is, Carlin then has to cover his own ass by denying it, because he doesn't need Al Sharpton breathing down his neck like a dragon in heat, so now your message is lost in the world of Internet controversy and no one even remembers what the point was. Anyway, here's my question for all of you people out there who keep googling this topic; do you agree or disagree with the author, and if so, why? I really want to know, because nine out of ten of you have come here because of that topic, not because of my global warming posts, or presidential politics. E-mail me at achristensenjohnson@hotmail.com and tell me what you think of this hoax and its' message and let's have an honest debate. And don't worry, if you post a comment as George Carlin, I promise i won't "out" you...I'll let George do that.

Don't You Believe It!

I know most of you who find this site are not what you'd call "regular readers," so I'll just go ahead and make it known right now. I think global warming is a load of crap. There. Now that we have that out of the way, you can either go back to google and find people you already agree with, or you can stick around and learn. In all of my posts, I have tried to educate you lemmings about the global hoax known as "climate change," and I always think I've presented the most insane scare tactics conceivable, but this one takes the cake. According to metro.co.uk, we only have FIVE YEARS to save the Earth. That's right, if we don't get Johnny Appleseed out globetrotting with his seeds by noon tomorrow, we're all going to fry. A source in this article, James Leape, WWF Internationals' Director General, was quoted as saying, "We have a small window of time in which we can plant the seeds of change, and that is the next five years. We cannot afford to waste them. " Okay. Go back to my post from Sunday, March 11, 2007. I told you about an article in the Toronto Sun by Lorrie Goldstein which explains that even if we planted a grove of trees the size of Alaska, they wouldn't absorb the carbon output of the passengers on one coast to coast flight for 50 years! Well, folks, if we only have five years left, we're already screwed! Look, this is just another scare tactic designed to get every one to accept the carbon taxes government wants to levy. They do this all the time. Think of all of the sci-fi movies that have come out predicting that the world would be a wasteland by 1995. Remember the Mad Max movies? Remember Waterworld? Science fiction is fun, folks, but that's all the theory of global warming is, it's science fiction. Go to realclimate.com, and you'll read the threads of these scientists who, for the most part, earnestly believe that global warming is happening, but keep arguing over what the data actually means. They think they have the answer, they just don't know why, and they can't prove anything. I've done my own modest research, and from what I gather, sometimes the earth is cold, and sometimes the earth is warm, and there's an apparent cycle to it. Maybe you've heard of Orbital forcing, maybe you haven't...but I'll bet you've heard of Summer and Winter. But listen, even if I'm wrong, it doesn't matter. We didn't create the earth, and we certainly can't destroy it. Only God can do that. If and when he decides to, well...you think planting trees and using ethanol is gonna stop him? Don't you believe it.

Nevermind Harry, Send Shaun

Talk about an "about face!" It looks like Prince Harry won't be going to Iraq after all, according to both Sky News and Fox News. Apparently, General Sir Richard Dannatt, as head of the Army, has reservations about sending the prince to a place where people have promised to find him and cut off various body parts, as well as anyone else who happens to be near him. I can't say I blame him, although I was looking forward to the new reality show they were going to make out of the footage. Well, never mind that. I've got the perfect replacement for him. Shaun of the Dead. He may not be a royal, and he may not have any military training, but give him a cricket bat, and he's good to go. If he can cause lethal damage with a vinyl LP, just imagine what he could do with actual weapons! As for Harry, well, I'm sure that the army has plenty of filing and peeling for him to do, so he'll maintain his honor by merely remaining in the service. According to Sky News, the insurgents "had detailed plans to seize the Prince as hostage, even boasting that they had informants in the British camps who would tell them of his movements." Obviously, sending him to Iraq with a bunch of cameras following him around is a serious threat to himself and his fellow soldiers. Shaun, however, while famous, is not on any jihadist hostage list that I'm aware of, so he can go in there and bash heads without endangering others or the monarchy. I look at it this way...the Royal Marines surrendered, James Bond is on "holiday," and Shaun is about the only hero the Brits have left. C'mon, General...how 'bout it?

Prince Harry To Star In War-Time Reality Show...Fergie Pissed!

Well, it was bound to happen. We all knew sending a member of the Royal family into a battlefield could get him shot. I just didn't expect it to be from a camera crew. Yes, the gallant Prince will have his own reality television show, forever capturing on film the true strength of the British nobles and their people. Some say this could make things even more dangerous for the prince...after all, terrorists are already placing bets on who will be the first to cut off a royal body part, but Harry's more annoyed by the attention than worried about his appendages. He says he's just there to fight, and judging by the picture to the left, I'd have to say I believe him. He looks more like Dirty Harry than Prince Harry. Still, I hope Harry lets the cameras roll, because it would be nice to see the royals in a flattering light again. Every time you hear about a member of the royal family, it's always something like, "Charles is having an affair," or, "the Duke of Windsor wears a dress, " or, "the prince dressed up like Hitler for Halloween." Ever since Charles and Diana split up, I felt so embarrassed for these people, and I'm not even English! So, lead your soldiers into battle, good prince, like kings of yore, and let the cameras catch all of the glory. After all, I like you Brits, but you could frankly use a little good PR, for a change. Besides, most everyone is tired of seeing pictures of Fergie on the tabloids...except for me...I think the Duchess looks pretty terrific after losing all of that weight.

The Preventive Defense Project

You know, I used to chuckle at the people who stockpiled bottled water and built panic rooms back in 1999. Remember the big Y2K scare? It seemed so ridiculous, every one being so panicked about a simple computer error, at least to me. Well, I've changed my mind after watching the CBS television show Jericho, and it looks like the government has been watching, too. I've learned from an article in the San Francisco Chronicle that there is, indeed, a deep feeling of concern by government and military officials that Americans should plan for chaos. On Jericho, almost every single major American city (and some minor ones) is obliterated by a nuclear explosion. Even if you haven't seen the program, I'm sure you can imagine the impact after considering what happened in the wake of hurricane Katrina and 9/11. This nonpartisan, joint Stanford-Harvard program, called "the Preventative Defense Project," isn't so much a plan for "prevention," or even "defense," despite the fact that retired Vice Adm. Roger Rufe of Homeland Security is involved. It seem to me to be more of a "clean-up and contain" plan. The phrases that stuck out in the article were "restoring calm," "how to act even if transportation and communication systems break down," and "restrict civil liberties and enforce a sort of martial law." Well....okay. Sure, I guess any plan is better than no plan. Besides, the boys in Washington have done a pretty good job of preventing attacks so far... Anyway, the point is, at least they're thinking. An ounce of prevention was just what we needed in New Orleans, as far as evacuation goes, but the city was still laid to waste, so I guess it's a good idea to have a plan for "The Day After." Katrina survivors will remember that, bizarre as it was to go to the local Winn Dixie to buy some groceries and to be met at the doors by armed soldiers, it was also a relief. Just being able to drive down the street again and see a traffic cop waving you slowly on past the crew restoring the power lines gave you confidence. Imagine, if you will, a nuclear device has been detonated in downtown Tulsa, and the survivors have no roads in or out, no food, no drinkable water, no source of reliable information, and no security. Words like "across the bridge" and "three blocks away" no longer have meaning anymore, because all landmarks have been vaporized. Well...I don't know about you, but I'd be begging for martial law. In the meantime, though, I would like to apologise to all of you Y2K kooks. I'm going o Wal-Mart to stock up on soup, water, and toilet paper. See y'all in the cellar.