Breaking News: Joe Biden Is Dan Quayle in Disguise!

Twenty years ago, George Herbert Walker Bush picked as his running mate a young pup from Indiana named J. Danforth Quayle, and the liberal media (why don't you guys just admit it already?) couldn't have been happier. Even die-hard Republicans had to groan whenever this boob opened his mouth. He called the people of American Samoa "happy campers," he attacked a fictional TV personality, Murphy Brown, as being a bad role model (he was right about that one), and who could forget Lloyd Benson's famous "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" stab? The media loved to beat up on this guy, and it was hard to defend him. Well, guess what? He's back, and he's apparently climbed inside Joe Biden's mouth! At a campaign event in Columbia, MO, Joe Biden actually asks wheelchair-bound State Senator Chuck Graham to stand up and be recognized. "Stand up, Chuck," he said, "let 'em see ya!" you can see the blunder here: http://rightvoices.com/2008/09/09/another-biden-blunderstand-up-chuck-and-let-em-see-you/

Fortunately for him, Joe Biden is a liberal Democrat, or he would've been dowsed in tar, covered in feathers, and then set on fire. Instead, the media hailed him as a master of the "quick recovery." Biden again channeled the Spirit of Quayle in Nashua, NH, while talking about how pleased he was at being picked by Obama as the Democrat running mate: "Make no mistake about this...Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Let’s get that straight. She’s a truly close personal friend, she is qualified to be president of the United States of America, she’s easily qualified to be vice president of the United States of America, and quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." Say what? Then why are you running, Joe? You can find that gaffe right here: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/biden-hillary-a.html

Plus, in an attempt to fool the American people into thinking that he and Obama are Robin Hoods, he let us all know that paying higher taxes is true patriotism! When trying to recover from this Quayle-ism, he said, “John McCain's making fun of the fact that I said paying taxes is patriotic. What I said was when a woman asked me, what do I tell people making over $250,000 a year that their taxes are going to go back to where they were with Reagan, which is a lot lower - lower than they were at Reagan, what do I tell them? I said tell them it's time to be patriotic.” In other words, "Yup, that's what I said! That one can be found, among other places, here: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/biden-defends-c.html

Welcome back, Dan Quayle, we missed you. Of course, now that you're speaking from the mouth of a liberal, we'll never hear about any of it.

Get Bin Laden

President Bush is making another push to get Osama Bin Laden, according to timesonline.com, before he leaves office in January. This is comforting news to those Americans who had assumed the President had just given up on the whole idea after seven years, and I'm sure the cave-dwelling monster is shaking in his sandals. After all, this renewed manhunt will bring our Predators and Reapers into Pakistan, where Bin Laden has presumably been hiding out like a child safely "on base" during a game of schoolyard tag. There are those who will sneer at this effort by Mr. Bush, calling it a lame attempt to raise his approval ratings and secure his legacy before either Sen. McCain or Sen. Obama move into the Oval Office, and they may be right. Maybe...but I don't really care, I just want the guy caught, dead or alive. After all, the guy was charged with terrorism conspiracy in a sealed indictment back in 1998, during the Clinton administration....well before the attacks on September 11, 2001. Why isn't this guy dead already? Couldn't we have sent in Rambo, or James Bond? Actually, we may just be doing that. The Special Boat Service (SBS) and the Special Reconnaissance Regiment of the United Kingdom have been called in to aid our own U.S. Special Forces, with the grudging support of the Pakistani government, in the Bajaur tribal zone in northwest Pakistan. Let's just say my fingers are crossed. In any case, although I have a beef or two with President Bush on a few issues, such as illegal immigration, I still applaud him for doing what other so-called leaders are afraid to do. You don't try to make nice with the enemy, you hit them with everything you've got until they are dead or give up. With that in mind, I'm going to give the president the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is not just a way to try and improve his standing before he leaves office, but an honest attempt to full fill a promise to the American people. Whether this is naive, or just plain wrong, it doesn't really matter to me. Just get Bin Laden.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4138791.ece

Google Goes Black To Go Green

In a perfect example of pointless gestures in "raising awareness," Google has changed the background of their search page from black to white to combat the effects of man-made global warming. The idea is not for Google to shut down and stop using energy for a day-not even for an hour, as they ask their customers to do this evening. Google freely admits, " it saves no energy; modern displays use the same amount of power regardless of what they display." Besides, turning off your entire business for a day to combat something that no one can prove is happening would be stupid. They just want you to know that they care. They also want you to turn out your lights for an hour. Here's the plan, according to http://www.google.com/intl/en/earthhour/

"On Saturday, March 29, 2008, Earth Hour invites people around the world to turn off their lights for one hour – from 8:00pm to 9:00pm in their local time zone. On this day, cities around the world, including Copenhagen, Chicago, Melbourne, Dubai, and Tel Aviv, will hold events to acknowledge their commitment to energy conservation." Will it help save the earth from global warming? No....but won't it feel good to acknowledge your commitment? To show your friends and co-workers that you care? Well...it probably won't even accomplish that much. In fact, after about five minutes in the dark tonight, you'll probably begin to feel pretty stupid. And bored. You'll get tired of trying to feel like you've "done something" to combat global warming, switch your computer back on, and go back to chatting on My Space with other people who "care" about global warming. Google, having done nothing real at all to save the planet (by their own admission), can still pat themselves on their backs for making you feel guilty enough about the "threat of global warming" to turn out your lights. Meanwhile, the only proof that global warming exists is- the nightly news says it exists. No where have I read anything that shows conclusive evidence. Since I don't believe in participating in useless exercises in self-gratification (with the exception of my blog, of course), I'll be leaving my lights on. If you choose to turn yours off, well...then you really are in the dark. Just don't expect it to change anything.

Which "ism" Will Win The White House?

The fight for the Oval Office is getting serious now as Racism and Sexism duke it out in the last of the Democratic primaries. Racism can proudly say that it has a higher delegate count, as well as a big chunk of the popular vote, but Sexism remains confident that it's experience and name recognition will win the day. One of these contenders, of course, will eventually have to face Agism, the clear winner on the Republican side despite its' lack of support from Conservatism. Any one of these candidates would be one for the history books; Agism would be the oldest elected president, Racism would be the first black (ecsuse me- African-American) president, and Sexism would be the first female president, but most people will tell you they don't care about those things. No, most people will tell you thay care about the issues. They'll vote Agism for national security, or they'll vote Sexism on health care issues, or they'll vote Racism for....what was it? Oh, yeah...change. Well, no matter which "ism" you choose as the standard-bearer

for the issues that matter most to you, it's inevitable. Some poor "ism" is going to loose. Right now, we're all patting each other on the back, pointing out what an enlightened, high-minded society we are, so close to electing the first "ism," but when the chips are down, some "ism" is going to cry foul. So, if you don't vote for Hillary Clinton, you'll hear about the plight of Sexism. If you don't vote for Obama, you'll hear about the evils of Racism. If you don't vote for McCain, there will be talk of the sad state o

f Agism in America. So, get behind your "ism," folks! Just remember. When you vote for one, you'll be voting against another. Well, probably not you. You'll be voting on the issues.

Political Sequels: The Election

See if you can follow me, here...1976=2008  If the Democrats and moderates really want to rehash the sixties and seventies in an attempt to relive the "glory days," they may get their wish. Here's how it plays out, if History is any indication.

 A war-weary nation, sick of contoversy and conscious of the environment, will turn away from the true conservative candidate to go for "the safe bet." He'll get his clock cleaned in November and a far-left liberal will take the White House. That president will not want conflict in Iran, but that president will surely get it. The economy will worsen, and our new liberal president will tell the American people it's our own fault, which will surely anger us. After four years of liberal failure, that forgotten conervative candidate will step forward once more, ushering a new era of American leadership. 2008 is 1976 all over again.

Dems Agree: America Needs A Change From Prosperity, Growth

From Iowa to New Hampshire, from South Carolina to Nevada, the Democrat candidates for president all agree; they are the candidates for change. They also all agree America is ready for change, that we can't go on with the Status Quo. No more must America be burdened with such things like a record low unemployment rate of 4%. No more can America stand for victory against foreign enemies. We need to change the fact that Americans have so much personal liberty! And it's high time we, as Americans, stopped settling for all of this abundance and plenty! Is it fair that even the poorest of the poor here in America have it better off than most people in third world countries? We need change, people, and the Democrat party has promised it! Scared yet? I get the feeling that when Democrats talk about change, they're talking about the few pennies you get back after the IRS is done with you. They want to change our current health care system so that it more closely resembles a line at the post office or DMV. They'll tell you what doctor you can or can't see, provided you follow their health guidelines. They want to help the economy by soaking the rich, thereby making the rich stop investing in business and creating jobs. They'll punish those greedy oil companies for providing small business owners with gas station franchises to run. They want to pull us out of the war on terror to improve our standing in the world. After all, nothing says, "Don't Tread On Me" like tucking your tail and running. They will send a clear message to our allies that we won't be there for them. And of course, there are just too many Americans out there making their own decisions...Democrats will change all of that. Banning things like transfats and smoking was just a start. They promise to pass legislation banning smoking in your own car, "for the sake of the children," although they'd happily have applauded the abortions of those same children, because for Democrats, there just aren't enough of those happening. They'll change that, too. Democrats won't be happy until they "change" America into a larger version of Cuba. All I can tell you is, if you decide to sit this election out because there isn't a "perfect" choice, get ready for "change." Slogans are nice. Reality is better.

Don't Say It, Don't Even Think It (It May Be Illegal, Anyway)!

Happy New Year, It's 1984, everyone! Actually, it's been 1984 for a couple of decades now, but I guess only a handful of us have noticed. For a lot of people, worrying about "Big Brother" means another new episode on CBS, but for those of us who trade in ideas, which can be more offensive than anything some bimbo in a bikini might say or do on T.V. to those in the land of PC, we are acutely aware that we are being listened to, if not watched. We laughed, at first, at the ridiculous social paranoia exhibited in the use of such expressions as, "hearing impaired," "weight-challenged," or "Native American." What was wrong with a little honesty? If you can't hear, you're deaf. If you weigh too much to be healthy, you're fat. If you ask the folks at AIM, the American Indian Movement, what they'd like to be called, they'll tell you; Shawnee, Quawpaw, Cherokee, Arapahoe, Ottawa, Delaware, and Miami are just a few names they like. We tried to show the absurdity of it all by referring to our scrambled eggs as "partial-birth abortions," or by calling the Clinton Administration "ethically challenged." People like George Carlin, Dennis Leary, Howard Stern, Don Rickles, and Don Imus have made careers out of being offensive, but now having a sense of humor can be dangerous, as Imus and others have found out. At worldnetdaily.com today, there is the story of Marc Howells, a former director of a company called Barclaycard, who was fired for telling an insensitive joke during a presentation on the firms' quarterly figures. The punchline? "The results were like Muslims - some were good, some were Shi'ite." That's an old one. Kids were telling that one when I was in High School during the first Gulf War. To me, it's not funny because it lacks imagination and borders on toilette humor. To Barclaycard, it's not funny because it might offend a Muslim and cause him to bomb a crowded coffee shop. Ok, maybe that sounded a little prejudiced. I'm sure there are a lot of Muslims out there who abhor coffee shops and resent the implication. The point is, why fire him? Did the firm lose money because of the bad joke? Did his lack of tact affect his ability to analyze Pie Charts? I've worked with jerks, too, but I never demanded they be fired for being jerks, unless they were incompetent jerks. "Lighten up," you might say to me. Good advice, you should take some. However, there is a more sinister PC monster that the crime of "hate speech" has given birth to, and its' name is "hate thought." Consider the implications of H.R. 1592, also known as the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act. According to the law, a preacher who claims homosexuality is an abomination could be indicted. That's hate speech. Moreover, if a person who hears that preacher goes out and commits a crime against a homosexual, the preacher might be considered an accessory. Why? Well, he may not have verbally encouraged violence, but he probably thought about it, besides, such speech could be construed as intimidation by any homosexuals listening. What now matters is the supposed intent of speech, which means thought. I can hear the lawyers in the court rooms now: "You may not have said witches and warlocks should be burned at the stake, but you were thinking it. Such dangerous thought, inferred from you calling Ms. Doe, quote, 'a sick witch," is what caused Mr. Doe to burn my client with a cigarette! I demand the maximum punishment according to the law!" Am I overreacting? Does this sound like hyperbole to you? Time will tell. One thing that I wonder is this...if Marc Howells had called some one a Jesus Freak instead of "insulting" Muslims, would he have lost his job? Well...you probably already know what I think. Let's just hope there's no law against it.