Where's 007 When You Need Him?

Fifteen Brittish service members are being held as political prisoners in Iran, and all I hear about is "continued isolation" and "legal action." The European Union says the United Kingdom has their support, but, according to foxnews.com, want to "avoid unnecessary escalation." That sounds like a very diplomatic (French) way of saying, "We feel bad for you, and we'll tell the Iranians that, but we're to scared to actually help you." All of this international ballet about Iran has gotten me so frustrated that I'm ready to go and dig up Ronald Reagan so we can put these twerps back in their place. Nothing says "release our troops or die" like a barrage of Jericho missles and the Pacific fleet off your coast.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking..."Are you mad? With most of our soldiers and marines already in Iraq and about 50% of the population against the current war , you want to threaten war with yet another country?" Well...no. I don't want to threaten war. I want to bomb them. Still, I understand that we have become too guilt-ridden and anxious when it comes to people who are trying to kill us; we wouldn't want to hurt their collective feelings. So what can a nation which has been nearly forced into declaring itself a paper tiger do when confronted with such sticky matters? Pierce Brosnan comes to mind.
Where the devil is 007? I see these movies like Mission:Impossible, The Bourne Identity, and Die Another Day, and I think, why would any other nation in the world even think of screwing with us? So where are Bond, Bourne, and Hunt? You may think I'm being farcical here, but i think I have a valid point. We have spies, we have strike teams, and we have state-of-the-art equipment. Why are we not using them to rescue our allies? After all, diplomacy isn't working. We're like the embattled mother of a three year old, who, over the loud tantrum of said child, screams, "you just wait until your father gets home!" Unfortunately, the father is the UN, and all he's interested in when he gets home is the business section of the newspaper. If diplomats can't do it, and we're to scared to send bombs, then send Bond. James Bond.
For the record, I'm not behind the times, I saw Casino Royale, but c'mon. That wasn't really a Bond Movie. Yeah, I liked Sean Connery, but I grew up with Roger Moore, so he was always my favorite. What he had in wit and style, Pierce has in determination. Don't get me strated on Daniel Craig. That may have been close to Ian Flemming, but it was nowhere near Bond. Anyway, how about it, M? Why not send in the big guns? It's about time, don't you think?

Presidential Press Conference March 29, 2013

The following is a transcript from the first cellcast presidential press conference, interrupting over 500 million cell phone calls for breaking news. My source, one Marty McFly, refused to give more details about the future.

Press Secretary Robert DinNiro: Ladies and gentlemen of the press [snorting sound], excuse me [clears throat]. This after noon, at exactly three-fifteen PM, ah...[shrugs] well, I'll just let him tell it. Mr. President?

President Christopher Walken: Thanks, Bobby. Go on, I got this. No, go on, you look like you need a nap [nods, then chortles]. Anyway, uh...Well. Look, um...Today, I had to use the force of the U.S. military against an enemy, and uh, I'm not happy about it, but...well. They left us no choice.

Unidentified reporter: President Walken, did you bring us into yet another...

President Walken: Please, please...This is a serious matter, and ...I don't wanna make a spectacle of it. It's just that...the Iranians called us, you know, all of us, Americans, Khameni called us a bunch of zionist mooks and promised to wipe out Israel if we didn't give them our new fusion reactor technology and so, well...since we didn't do anything the last time, they went ahead and took out Jerusalem. Yeah, uh...Brian, what's your question?

Brian Williams, cellNBC: President Walken, what was our response to this vile act of bullying by the Iranians?

President Walken: [laughs in dismay] whu-we bombed the hell out of them! What do you think? Nobody calls me a mook and then bombs Israel. I mean, come on...guy with a towel on his head calls you names [unclear protest from correspondents' gallery]...Sorry, Ahmed, I didn't mean to be insulting. But c'mon...what if I called you a mook and then...[more unclear commotion] no, no, I get it, you're...[sighs] look, could we get on with this please? War, people, you know? Kind of important. Okay, questions, yeah, you, Couric.

Katie Couric, Peoria Journal Star: Mr. President, are you saying we launched a fusion strike against Tehran?

President Walken: No, I'm saying we sent them an umpire and a bunch of union workers from the docks [snorts, chortles]. You crazy broad, no wonder you don't work cell networks anymore [snickers, big grin]...No, I'm saying we levelled their whole damned country. There is no Iran. No more Syria, either...What's that, Ted? Take off the oxygen mask, I can't understand you. Now, what?

Ted Kopple, PBScell: [gasp] I said, Mr. president, aren't you worried about [gasp] retaliation?

President Walken: From Who? The ACLU? Didn't you hear me, I said I blew everyone up. [chuckle] Look, like I said, I don't want to turn this into a circus, so if we could just have some serious questions, please...

Samantha Ryhad, cellNN: Sir, what does this mean for the treaty signed by former President Giullianni with the Saudis?

President Walken: It means we don't have one, gorgeous. You call me a mook, you bomb Israel, you make cracks about Vice-President Pecci's poor dead mother, and you get bombs up your can. I feel confident the Saudis understand that. Next question.

Campbell Brown, NBcell: Sir, has there been any communication from the Martian government regarding our unilateral fussion strike against...well, everyone?

President Walken: To be honest, no. I'm sure they have bigger fish to fry with that whole global warming scam they've got going on up there. Look, if there are no more serious questions, I have a premier to be at...thank-you all for coming. Ah, in closing, let me just say...my prayers go out to the Israelis, I wish congress would give me the funding to bomb some more of their enemies...um...don't miss my new movie, Pipsqueak, out in theaters this July...and ah...[shrugs shoulders] that's it, i guess. [rumblings from the press gallery, unintelligible] oh, yeah. I guess we can reinstate that habeas corpus thing now. Good night, and God bless.

[many voices at once trying to get the president's attention as he leaves the podium, smiling and waving] END TRANSCRIPT

Mr. McFry, as I said above, was not willing to discuss the details further, but personally, I'm just glad we lasted until 2013.

"Patriot"

The shining city on the hill,
for this, I'd die, for this, I'd kill;
For liberty, for justice, fight,
not from the left, nor from the right
but from the heart, my very core,
I would let loose the dogs of war
upon the so-called holy men
who'd make our land the serpent's den;
Quite true, we still have problems here,
but I refuse to live in fear
of those who think to solve with flame
and blaspheme such a holy name;
Though towers fall, though blood may rush,
'76 cannot be crushed!
September villains cannot flee;
America! God's grace on thee!

an original poem by A. Christensen Johnson, 9/11/02

Congress Advises Terrorists To Hide Until 2008

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said today, as reported by David Espo of the Associated Press, that it is time to "send a message to President Bush," and also, it appears, to Muqtada al-Sadr, who is probably jumping up and down right now, waving a banner that reads Hillary '08. The message, by the way is, "don't worry, we don't have the stomach to wage war, to do whatever it takes to win no matter the cost. Just hide out for a year or so, and then, when we've left, you can go back to killing people." Actually, the quote from the AP was that "the time has come to find a new way forward in this intractable war." I guess to Sen. Reid, the "way forward" is retreat.
I know what it is, folks, and if you search deep down in the cockles of your gallop poll results, you do, too. The report twice mentions the number 3,200. That's the number of U.S. lives sacrificed since the start of this conflict, and it's worth mentioning, but why twice in an article about funding? Actually, the media have been pounding the death toll into our heads since the very beginning, as if to say, "death, death, more violent death, and sadness should be your deepest emotion! Out! Out! Out of Iraq, it's not worth it..." Well, what would be worth it? Ask the men who took Iwo Jima. 4,197 killed in action, 19,189 wounded, 1,401 died of wounds, 494 missing, and that was within just over a month. That was one battle. To me, I hear the number 3200 over four years, and I think, "That's great, the military has never been better!" Most people think, "Those poor shlubs...Damn that evil Bush!"
Ask yourself this: what if, during 1941-1945, instead of Movietone Newsreels, you had CNN telling you we have no chance at victory, and a congress that defied the President at every turn calling for less funding for soldiers and more for Spinach crops and shrimp industry losses? Well, you don't have to imagine it, because Harry Reid and his ilk are making history, folks, and aren't you proud to be a part of it? Another first for America, the first time in our nation's history when our own congress takes weapons and training from our soldiers and gives hope to our enemy. All the terrorists have to do is mark their calenders, and all our soldiers have to do is...well, give up in disgrace. Sound good to you?
Me, neither. Fortunately, it appears that George Bush has recently had a spinal transplant, and I hope it takes, because that means "veto," but the dems can always get that 2/3 vote they need, so pray hard. Sen. Reid was also quoted as saying, "I would hope that [President Bush] would be willing to work with us in coming up with some language that both (houses of Congress) could accept. At this stage, he has been very non-negotiable. So we'll see what happens." The soldiers don't want your compromise, they want funding, and as a patriot, I don't want your language, either...I want action. I want to win. Be careful, Senator, that alarm clock you're giving to the insurgency may just show up as an IED on a busy Iraqi highway, or maybe even on the mall.

The Anbar Awakening: At Least The Iraqis Trust Our Judgement

Speaker Pelosi, you may want to stick your fingers in your ears for this one. You too, ABC, NBC, CNN, and CBS. Ready? Okay. Great News, the war is going well! In a story by the Associated Press, Tod Pitman reported today that Sheik Abdul Sattar al-Rishawi, as well as 41 tribes, have broken with al-Qaida and have formed a new view in their minds of America and our mission in Iraq. It's called the Anbar Awakening, and it's taking place in what the mainstream media always reports as "one of the bloodiest places in Iraq today."
As it turns out, all of that bloodshed lead to a strange event; people got sick of dying and not being allowed to bury their dead. After all this time, the terrorist brainwashing of the Sunni tribes is melting away, and it's thanks goes to not just our valiant military personnel, but to (trumpet, please) our enemy that's been brainwashing everyone. "Hmmm," the locals thought, "The Americans who are supposed to be killing us and occupying us keep bringing Kit Kat bars and soccer balls...and al-Qaida keeps...killing...us..." Well, thank God they figured that one out in time before the Pelosis and Murthas could defund those Kit Kats, which, apparently, the Iraqi kids seem to love. I've heard Muqtada al-Sadr is a fan of chocolate, too, but I can't prove it, because he's in Iran, hiding from the troop surge democrats said would lead to more killing. That must've gotten the Sheiks thinking, too. Who's really got your back, al-Rishawi?
It should be noted that there is also a power struggle going on in the region between Shiite Iran's growing importance and the balance of the Sunni tribal influence, and that could greatly account for the 4,500 Sunni tribesmen who have joined the new police force. This is nothing new, of course, as we have known for some time that the Quds force from Iran has been involved in this civil war, and, as I've said, the terrorists are making it possible for us to win not just the war, but the hearts and minds of the Iraqis. How sad it is, then, that our representatives in the house would fill our emergency spending bill with a bunch of bribery and pork instead of the 1 billion dollars needed for the Pentagon to keep our troops fresh, equipped, and ready.
You see, the Democrats are operating their political strategy based on polls, not leadership. Everyone knows, however, that if the boss asks you if you'd like to work straight through Sunday or take off an hour early on Friday, most of us will choose to clock out and leave the job unfinished. That's why we have bosses, to make sure the work gets done and done right. Do most Americans want the war to be over? Do I? Sure, we do, but not if it means we lose, you fools! You cannot fight a war based on "the people have spoken" attitudes, because the people might vote for cake and ice cream when we really need Kevlar and translators. That's why George Bush was re-elected in 2004, that's why General David Patreas was chosen to lead the surge, and that's why we are a Republic, not a democracy, as many sheep will tell you we are. So, I guess it's a good thing that even if we don't trust our own judgement, at least Sheik Abdul Sattar al-Rishawi and the Iraqis do.

SUVs On Mars!

Bad news, everyone. According to realclimate.com and globalwarming.com the Martians are experiencing global warming, too. I know, I know, we all thought that there was no life on Mars, but there must be. After all, if you believe the gaggle of alarmists who are telling us that man is responsible for global warming on Earth, you have to believe there are Martian SUVs and coal plants. What other explanation could there be for the shrinkage of the Martian South Polar Cap? If the alarmists are correct that man is destroying Earth, we, or at least somebody, must be destroying Mars. It's just funny that we haven't discovered where they are hiding their freeways yet, isn't it?
Or, maybe there's another reason. Could it be orbital forcing? The planets' orbits around the sun do change, you know. Or maybe the sun is just getting hotter....realclimate.com has a few ideas. Oddly enough, they didn't mention man. So, let's get back down to Earth, as it were. While the scientists are scaring the children of the world by telling everyone that Greenland is going to disappear and the polar bears with it, something is happening down south. With much gall, and totally without permission of these scientists, the Antarctic has been getting cooler. That's right, according to globalwarming.com, "It seems that the climate models have struck out. Strike one: they can't simulate the current climate. Strike two: they predict greater and more rapid warming in the atmosphere than at the surface. The opposite is happening. Strike three: they predict amplified warming at the poles, which are cooling instead." Wow. I guess Al Gore and his buddies have a solution for the polar bears, we'll just move them all to Antarctica. It's a thought.
Getting back to Mars, since we are going to be taxed by the government for our carbon use so that these scientists can keep getting their funding (where else are they going to get it? There's no interest in the private sector), someone has to start convincing the Martians and taxing them, right? I'm sure the Martian scientists will be thrilled to know that their funding will continue thanks to carbon taxes. They will probably be so grateful that they will finally come visit and introduce themselves. Or maybe our own scientists could forget all about this global warming junk, quit trying to scare the living hell out of all of us, and go back to researching cancer. How about it, guys, people are actually dying of that. Sheesh, it's chilly today, I think I'm going to go get my sweater.

Global Warming Is BUNK!

You might have noticed the link that's been added to my blog just to the right of this post. It says it offers an objective view on global warming. It doesn't. I went to the site, I read the article, and it says the same garbage you can hear everyday from the doom and gloom media. "Polar bears are dying, ice caps are melting, and it's all our fault." Look, I'm no scientist, but I know it takes more than a one degree increase in the temperature of the Earth to constitute an immediate emergency. These people are so wound up about this that they are making kids loose sleep over it. How's that for responsible reporting?
I know why they do it, though. To push their agenda on you, they have to get you feeling scared and guilty. You see, most people that I talk to about global warming have been brow beaten into believing that the cars and trucks they drive and the aerosol cans they used to use are killing polar bears and melting glaciers. Because I use gasoline, Manhattan will be under water in the next three days. Riiight. Humans are to blame for everything, and since they are human, they feel really bad. Poor polar bears, if only they knew how much we really like them. Of course, even if they knew, they would still eat us, because they're polar bears, so do yourself a favor...fly to the north pole and sacrifice yourself to the bears, it's the least you can do.
So, you may ask yourself, why do they want to make us feel scared and guilty? Simple. They figure if they get you feeling scared and guilty enough, you'll be more than willing to support a carbon tax. Do you think this is a joke? Wrong. They want to tax you because you use gasoline and coal. Need proof? Okay, go to http://www.foxnews.com/ and read the article about Al Gore going before congress. It's titled, "Gore Implores Congress To Save Planet." Go on, read it, I'll wait right here. About half way through the article you will see mention of Sen. Hillary Clinton, who says she is "very intrigued" by Mr. Gore's ideas, such as...A CARBON TAX! They aren't even being sneaky about it, folks, they want your money, and they're going to get it, because you are scared and guilty. They aren't even asking, they're telling. But as I've already pointed out, no matter how many trees you plant, it will never be enough.
While I've got Al Gore on the brain, I'll share something else with you. Sen. James Inhofe, who represents me and other Oklahomans, cornered Gore on the issue of limiting carbon emissions. Citing the quote from Gore's movie, An Inconvenient Truth, "Are you ready to change the way you live," Inhofe asked the same of him. Would Gore pledge to reduce his enormous energy consumption to the level of average Americans within one year? Gore wouldn't pledge to that. BUT he will take your money and "plant some trees" with it. That's a carbon credit, folks, it's giving Al Gore money to plant trees, which he doesn't have time to do, because he's busy globetrotting on his private jet to tell everyone else that they are not doing enough. He wastes fuel to tell you to change, but he doesn't have to, he's planting trees that will never absorb all of the carbon from just one of his trips even after 50 years.
But hey, I'm no scientist. If higher taxes will save the planet, who am I to go against progress? I'll tell you who I am, I'm an unconcerned American who doesn't want a phony tax for a phony cataclysm. I know you want to feel better somehow, to feel like you're doing something positive to assuage your guilt. Here's a suggestion; to save energy, when another global warming story comes on the news, tun off your television.

George Carlin Hoax on Immigration, Gasoline, and War

A friend in South Carolina sent me a forward of a forward of a forward, part of a chain letter hoax, credited to George Carlin, which is just slightly further than I'm willing to go. For example, I think stranding third world immigrants from Latin America in another third world country in the Middle East is pretty callous, but the author of this probable hoax makes a valid point for providing a path to legal citizenship. Read the chain letter, and then I'll offer my sage analysis.
"George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline "
"Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military . Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. "
I know, I know. Some of you out there may be reading this and saying, "That's not just impractical and stupid, that's racist!" Because Carlin is a white guy with opinions, he probably gets that a lot, although he probably never even said it. But what's wrong with the idea of offering citizenship through military service? Doesn't that show a certain determination? If it's so lousy in Mexico or Guatemala that you are willing to go to Iraq or Afghanistan just so you can become an American, I will proudly shake your hand at the poling precinct and welcome you as a citizen. Assuming of course, that during your service, someone taught you to speak English. I can only be so accommodating. Now, Carlin is a comedian who, at one time in his career, was considered funny by a lot of people, and the author is just trying to emulate him, so you have to understand that some of these points are just for yuks. Still, if any immigrant wants a clear path to citizenship, then why not offer military service as an option?
I'm not even suggesting that they have to go into the war zone, here, folks, they don't have to go straight to Fallujah and start killing right away. There's definitely a problem with putting all captured illegal immigrants on a jumbo jet bound for Iraq with a bunch of surplus rifles and a few hand grenades, then letting them loose. Still, what's wrong with making them serve in some fashion, maybe in the motor pool or mess hall? There's even a precedent for it. Remember the Irish Brigade from your history books? I wouldn't make it mandatory, as it is in Isreal, though, because after all, not every person is going to have the fortitude to serve in that capacity, but offer them the choice. They may serve honorably to be recognised, go through legal channels and climb bureaucrat mountain, or get back on the boat. As for the strain on our nation's resources like gasoline, well, I can't say that deportation is the answer, Mr. Carlin, or whomever had this idea, but at least you're thinking.

Public Schools Are Boot Camps

Do you know what your kids learned in school today? Well, tough. You're not allowed to know. It's top secret, by order of the public school district, drill instructors for the Army of Moral Relativism. Just ask David Parker of Lexington, MA, a parent who only wanted to be informed when his child's kindergarten teacher decided to discuss homosexuality, arrested and jailed in April of 2005. Never mind the fact that state law in Massachusetts requires parental notification. Doesn't matter. Not when the ACLU and a group of gay lawyers is arguing that they have more rights to your children than you do. You, as a parent will be labeled a homophobe, a slur you can never bounce back from, or worse...(gasp!) a christian! Those unenlightened Christians, always spreading dangerous messages like God's love, morality, and the importance of family.
You could also ask parents in Newton, Mass., or in Deerfield, IL, who were not allowed to attend or even ask their kids about a seminar explaining how to know if you are gay. The pamphlet being passed around also told kids where they could go to meet other gays, and another listed a bunch of web sites, phone numbers, et cetera, but the children were prohibited from even talking to their parents about any of it. The only source of information was the high school newspaper, and the school admins didn't even like that. Freedom of speech, unless it's speech they don't like. The school is going to teach your kids things about sexuality, things you don't think they're ready to know, and they want your kids to lie about it. Why? Because you might try to instill your values as a parent, and that scares them to death. So, the gay army marches on, straight to court, and makes it illegal for you to parent at all.
Then there are the predators, the Debra LaFaves and Mary Kay Letourneaus, grown women who don't feel fulfilled unless they have sex with young teenage boys. I know, I know, you probably think I'm overreacting. That's what their lawyers and publicists want you to think. You see an interview with Debra LaFave, and they make you think, "poor, confused woman," or, "Wow, what a lucky kid, she's so pretty." Women like this get slaps on the wrist and book deals when they're caught while their male counterparts spend years in prison and are vilified for all time for the same crime (yes, it is a crime). The Army of Moral Relativism is on the march again, their battle cry long and loud, "Who are you to judge us, we're just different, we have different needs, how dare you, or some church, or even God tell us what we're doing is wrong or sinful? In fact, since I enjoy what I'm doing, it can't be a sin, so there are no sins and there is no God, and we're going to refuse to teach anything but Darwin's theory of evolution! Take that, you homophobic, racist, sexist, self-righteous, intolerant, christian parent!"
The liberal left is comprised of several minorities, each with its' own agenda, and each agenda shares the same goal, which is to indoctrinate your kids into their values,or lack thereof, in the name of tolerance. They figure if they can get you to swallow one, they will be able to cram the rest down your throat and turn you into a liberal drone by the time you graduate. The main obstacle, of course, is parents and their rights, so they remove that threat by sending activist lawyers into court case battlefields. The ammunition? Tolerance. Their howitzer is the contention that public schools have a duty to teach the anti-christian doctrine so that the children will function better in society, a tolerant, liberal society. So, schools are given more power than parents by judicial fiat, and most of you are fine with it, because you don't even know what's going on. I'll let you in on a little secret. If the news bores you, just watch an hour of Grey's Anatomy on ABC, and you'll see the same brainwashing happening in Hollywood that has been silently happening to your kids at school. "Everything and everyone is normal, nothing is morally wrong, and if you object, then you are an intolerant bigot, resistance is futile." Why do you think they call it programming?
The new soldiers of the left are being taught by people who think that you are to narrow-minded or intolerant to properly raise your children, that your values are outdated, and your parenting skills are dangerous. So, what are you to do? You pull your kids out of public school, maybe put them into a private school, or try to home school, and what happens? The liberals get really nervous. They send in the shock troops, the Department of Child Services people, who try to enter your home and talk to your kids without a warrant so they can check for abuse or anything else so that they can take the children away from you and put them back in the system. Think I'm being paranoid? They tried it on me and my family, three times, but I'm an Oklahoman with certain rights, and I know what they are. Beware, you people who too blindly trust public schools and daycare. The Army of Moral Relativism is on the march, and they have come for your children. Do you really think you can sustain the casualties?

Sununu, You Dolt!

Well, here goes another Democrat-lead snipe hunt, and this time, they're getting help...from Republicans! The Dems have been calling for anyone and everyone in George Bush's administrations' necks since November of 2000, and John Sununu said, "Here, let me show you how to tie the noose." Well, okay, what he actually said, according to Fox News, was, "I think the president should replace him...I think the attorney general should be fired." The New Hampshire senator must have been sucked into the political black hole that is Washington politics, because he is obviously not anywhere near planet Earth.
Somewhere out there in la-la-land with Senator Sununu, the Senate Judiciary Committee chairman, Patrick Leahy, says he's going to get to the bottom of this, this, uh...well, it's not a crime, really....uh, but we need to have subpoenas issued for this, uh...what do you call it...this...WITCH HUNT. Why can't they just say it? That's all it is, folks, just another in a long line of them. Democrats have been so agitated, so just plain out of their collective tree since George Bush took office, they will look into every corner of the White House, look under every bed, until they find a dust bunny that they can call a scandal! Apparently, Sununu thinks that Gonzales needs to go the way of Rumsfeld before he goes the way of poor old Scooter Libby, another victim of our Salem Democrats.
Isn't there even one person out there (besides Ms. Coulter) who has the courage to stand up to this collection of carrion-eaters and say, "Screw You! I'm not apologizing, no mistakes were made, you scandal gluttons are making up phony crimes so you can destroy George Bush and any other republican you can! Why don't you go out and buy some carbon credits, you bunch of boobs!" Please, republicans, go on the offense, or at least play a little defense, but stop turning the other cheek, because it's starting to bleed uncontrollably. Well, not you, Senator Sununu, you get a "get out of jail free" card from the Dems for agreeing with them that it's criminal for the boss to fire his employees. You dolt.

We Must Win Or We Will Die.

Friends, enemies, and neighbors, the vice-president is right. We must decide, or die. It is as simple today as it was in 1941, kill or be killed, the enemy is coming and is willing to die, and if you are not, than you and your nation will perish. Look, I know war is uncomfortable even when you have the luxury of viewing it from your couch, and no one is glad that American men and women are dying, but when you are in a war, you have to choose reinforcements over retreat. You have to let the enemy know you will continue to kill them entil they are dead or give up, not tell them you'll only fight until Thursday next week at 3:30 PM. The equation looks like this: The Desire To Live + The Resources to Fight x Support From Home -Crazy People Who Want You Dead = Victory. The enemy is here, and they mean to kill everyone of us that disagrees with them. There's good news, though, if you can see it through all of the doom and gloom media coverage. The surge is working. Our largest adversary is in hiding, saying he won't fight; The Curds in the north are coming to help fight the insurgency; The Iraqis are getting the training and support they need from us; our military is willing to complete the mission if we are willing to let them. The war is actually going well, so choose wisely which parts of the equation you're willing to remove.

The Boo Police

Have we turned into a nation of sissies, folks? I just finished watching the evening broadcast of Fox News, and I have a sad story to report: competition is now politically incorrect. No, you didn't read that incorrectly. There is a particular school in my neck of the woods that will punish students for "booing" their rival. That's right, rally hats and chatter are outlawed now, because, after all, we wouldn't want to hurt some poor child's feelings, would we? Give me a break! I was going to write about the Vice-President and how I agree that timetables are simply an alarm clock for the insurgency, but this is just too mind-blowing.
Remember this? "We want a hitter, not a baby-sitter!" Or, this? "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher!" I do. I remember full and well when my baseball coach, Don Montgomery, told us to "psyche out the other team with a little chatter." Well, now that we're doing away with that, i guess we can do away with cheerleaders, too, right? I mean, we wouldn't want the other team to feel bad because not everyone is cheering them on. And I guess we can forget about moms and dads offering encouragement from the sidelines, because, after all, some other mom or dad out there might be offended that you are cheering your boy on and not his, huh?
SPECIAL BULLETIN! NOT EVERYONE IS GREAT AT EVERYTHING!
Sometimes you win, folks, sometimes you lose. I guess if not everyone wins, than everyone loses, at least, in this day and age. Look, I'm a parent, so I know how hard it is to tell your little eight-year old boy that he's no Hank Aaron, but i also live in the real world, and I'm telling you that if all we offer our kids is empty praise, tell them that as long as they beleive they can be, et cetera, et cetera, than we are raising a bunch of narcissists who are going to go through serious bouts of depression and alcoholism when they fail. And to those of you, who were so sure of your abilities, says, "if only Daddy had supported me," just remember this; maybe he was just trying to save you from your own mediocrity. Dreams are great, but despite what Walt Disney tells you, you also have to be talented, dedicated, and willing to make the proper sacrifices.
You have to wake up to this, folks, because if you don't, you're going to find yourselves surrounded by a bunch of bored, unstimulated kids asking you what to do because the game of Tag has been outlawed. After all, someone else might be faster, or smarter, or just plain lucky, and that wouldn't be "fair," now , would it? But, never mind, just give them a "C," tell them that their fairy godmother is waiting, and watch as the most apathetic generation is born.
Go to http://www.fox14tv.com/links.html for the news in my region.

Are You Really Going To Keep Swallowing This Garbage?

I don't see how anyone who wasn't in a coma this winter can stand to hear any more of this global warming garbage. The entire country was practically buried in snow, even Florida was caught by sub-zero temperatures. Look, right here in my little corner of the world, in Northeastern Oklahoma, we just has the fiercest winter weather I've ever seen in my 32 years of life. We had three major storms that shut down whole regions for weeks, one blizzard after another. I find it hard to open up the paper or turn on the radio when it's 9 degrees Fahrenheit, and that's the high for the day, and have to be subjected to global climate change alarmists. With an inch thick layer of ice on the roads and a six-inch layer of snow on top of that with reports of more snow on the way, I was actually praying for global warming. How can anybody take this bunk seriously? It's like everyone pointing at a chair in a room and telling you to fear the mighty lion!
Look, I know a lot of you might think I'm just an ignorant okie who goes on rants, but I'm telling you, even if global warming is more than just a theory, there's nothing we can do about it. Lorrie Goldstein wrote in the Toronto Sun an article entitled, "More Inconvenient Truths: Planting Trees Won't Save Us, Ethanol Isn't Cool, And Rebuilding A City Below Sea Level Is Insane." I urge you to read it, because the math in it is very telling. For those of you who are too lazy to go and find it, I'll provide an excerpt right here:
"Let's do the math. It takes 15 trees 40 to 50 years to absorb five tons of carbon.
A return flight from Toronto to Vancouver injects 5.4 tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere per passenger. Carbon dioxide takes 50 to 200 years to dissipate naturally.
Therefore, to absorb most of the carbon dioxide caused by one passenger taking one domestic round-trip flight across Canada in 2007, requires planting 15 trees today that won't complete the job until 2047-2057, assuming none is destroyed by fire, disease or insects. If they are, they'll release their carbon back into the atmosphere."
Do you get it now, or did you just roll your eyes and say, "Oh, well, that proves it, we need to plant more trees." You boobs! No matter how many trees you plant, even if you plant a grove the size of Texas this very minute, we'll STILL all be dead by the time you might see any carbon reduction at all, and I have to share a little secret with you, people, including Al Gore, are still flying in planes and driving cars! What do you want, do you think we should destroy all of our progress and live like the Amish? Fine, you first. I'll buy your plane ticket to Pennsylvania. Me, i like living in the twenty-first century. Listen, you have got to stop letting them cram this bunk down your gullets and think independently. I'd like to continue this little "arrogant" rant of mine, but I'm a little chilly, so I'm going to finish up and go get a sweater.
go to http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1795038/posts for the full Goldstein article

Polar Bears Versus Humans

The liberal mindset is astounding. In a conversation about global warming, a certain confused individual actually advocates murder as a solution to global warming. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: There's going to be plenty more for us to clean up after that ice storm we just had.

Lib: What can you say? Global warming is really taking its' toll.

Me: Say What? We just had the most ferocious winter weather I've ever seen....

Lib: Yeah, global warming. Extreme climate change.

Me: It doesn't exist, my friend.

Lib: What do you mean?

Me: Haven't you ever heard of orbital forcing? Milankovitch cycles? You see, the Earth's orbit around the sun isn't always a perfect circle. Sometimes...

Lib: Wait. Where are you getting your information from?

Me: The encyclopedia, um, Wikipedia on-line, Realclimate.com, Time-Life books on science...

Lib: Well, you can't trust stuff you get off of the Internet.

Me: Look, I know what you're saying. The Internet can be a bathroom wall, as far as information goes, but...

Lib: So you can't trust it.

Me: Who do you trust, journalists? Al Gore? These people just make stuff up! Dan Rather got fired for using bogus sources. But since you trust journalists, maybe you'll trust Newsweek. I read an article from the summer of 1975 that warned us all about global cooling. Scientists were sure that the glaciers were advancing, the growing seasons were getting shorter, that by 1985 there would be mass starvation. It never happened. So, what... you believe that scientists fixed the problem of global cooling, somehow found a way to warm the Earth, and now we're all worried about it being too hot? Hey, these guys are heroes! What are you complaining about?

Lib: Well....

Me: ...it's the polar bears, isn't it?

Lib: Well, yeah, I'm concerned about that.

Me: Psst! Polar bears can swim.

Lib: I know that.

Me: They can, it's true! In fact, they can swim up to 100 miles. They love to swim, they're designed that way.

Lib: Well, they can't swim forever, They're losing their homes...

Me: Look, I saw that photo, too, and I'm telling you, you don't have too worry. The polar bears are not going to be stranded. They're not losing their home. Listen, the same fools who are telling you that the north pole is melting are omitting the fact that the antarctic is actually cooling. I'm not really worried that a few scientists got together and discovered that the planet is supposedly warmer by one degree over the last 100 years or so. The Earth has been here for billions of years, the climate changes as God intends. There's proof that the Great Sahara Desert was once a fruited plain, did you know that?

Lib: We're destroying the planet with all of our oil, burning rubber tires, CF Cs...

Me: Look, we didn't invent oil. We didn't invent rubber. We didn't make the Earth and we couldn't destroy it, even with every nuclear weapon we've built. The planet was here long before us, and it will be here when we die and the cockroaches grow big brains and start running the show. You saying that we have to save the planet is total crap, the planet doesn't need our protection because we can't destroy it, only ourselves. You're talking about saving the humans, not the polar bears. You just want to talk about saving the planet to alieve the guilt you feel over being a human, because you think humans are destroying the poor cute little animals and their homes.

Lib: All I know is, we're ruining the environment, and a lot of people need to die.

Me: Okay, wait. You're concerned about the environment, about the polar bears, and your solution is...murder? People bad, animals good? Then what, you kill a bunch of people, and then I suppose you'll be expecting a Christmas card from the polar bears? Who needs to die, me, for driving my car? Your girlfriend, for using aerosol hairspray? Are you going to go north and sacrifice yourself to the polar bears?

Lib: Let's change the subject.

Do you see what I have to deal with? This guy has been bombarded with global warming hysteria to the extent that he's been brainwashed. His sense of self-loathing because he's a human and humans are supposedly destroying the world has led him to the belief that humans must die. Not him, of course. He's enlightened. Sure, he uses fossil fuels, but he feels really bad about it, so he can live. It's other car drivers and coal users. They need to die. It doesn't end there. You should have heard his comments on America! White guys are the most evil thing in the world, except for him, of course, because he feels really bad about how "we" conquered the Indians, how "we" owned slaves, how "we" treated the Chinese, America became great by stealing things from others, and on and on and on.
Look, you dolts, what do you want us to do, give it all back, and have everyone go home? What do you want, do you think I should apologize for things I never did had had no control over, then split myself into atoms and have each atom go to each country every ancestor I ever had came from? We're here, and yes, there have some problems, but America is great, humans are great! Look at all the good we do, not just the bad we once did or are supposedly doing now! STOP HATING YOURSELVES AND EVERYONE ELSE AND WE MIGHT JUST MAKE SOME PROGRESS!

Teacher, Ann Said A Naughty Word...

Is it just me, or is the political world starting to seem too much like a playground at recess? "Teacher, Ann used the f-word!" Give me a break. I'll grant you this much; the word is probably inappropriate for political discussion. Of course, my dictionary defines the word as meaning "a bundle of twigs." Look, folks, I understand why certain people get upset when certain words are used, but the only reason John Edwards could be offended by Ann Coulter calling him a faggot is if he were actually a gay man, or believed he was being slandered. Does he really believe Ann Coulter questions his sexuality? This is typical banter, and no different than if she'd said "wuss" or "sissy." Why are you all so surprised? Ann Coulter makes her living by being insensitive and inflammatory, that's what she does, and it's effective, too, because I can tell you, one of my gay, liberal co-workers agrees with her. To him, Hillary Clinton is far more manly (he plans to vote for her, too). Ann may not have realized the amount of press this would get, but she knew her audience, and I know a lot of folks here in Oklahoma who think this was just a little too much for the press to follow up on when "Scooter" Libby has just been convicted for telling the truth. The so-called "rednecks" I work with here use this kind of talk all the time. It's just banter. Example: My boss and I are installing a new water meter and he thinks I'm not working fast enough. He says, "Come on, Mary, my grandma can dig faster than that...and she's dead." Another example: My buddy Brandon and I are at the batting cages, and he sees me miss. He says, "Nice swing, Nancy." It's just guy talk.We take swings at each other with words, and we aim below the belt, if you know what I mean. Now, I understand that offensive words are to be condemned when they are meant to demean a certain race, or gender, or other "victim" of society, but come on, people, we're becoming an entire nation of "victims," here! We're all too worried about who hurt someone else's feelings! It's a consequence of living on planet Earth, folks, eventually, someone, somewhere will hurt your feelings, and if you feel the need to file a lawsuit every time it happens, then you are only making the case for laws to be passed to keeping people from using words you personally find objectionable. As George Carlin once said, there is no such thing as a bad word, only bad intentions, But that doesn't matter either. What matters is that we have become a nation of apologists. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I admire a person who can say something inflammatory, wait for the fallout, and then say, "Yeah, I said that, and I'm not taking it back. It's my right as an American to think you are human garbage and to tell others I think so, too." So, when I hear all of my cohorts in the conservative party condemning Ann Coulter, I just wait for the day when they, poor, sad fools that they are, say the wrong thing and check themselves into rehab.

Substance in Leadership

Why are we so concerned with having the first this, or the first that? What ever happened to qualities like, oh, I don't know, experience? Just when I begin to think, "At last! We're finally done patting ourselves on the back for being so enlightened," I have to read about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama descending on Selma Alabama. I'm sure I'm not the only one who said, "What the hell are they doing there," but I get it. She might be the first woman president, he might be the first black president. Well, as the French say, "Who cares?"
Remember just a couple of months ago, everyone, including the president, was all jazzed up because HOORAY! The Speaker of the House has a vagina! If we really wanted to prove that we're an enlightened and fair society, we wouldn't have brought it up at all. I don't care if she's a grandmother, a mother, a sister, or a blasted monkey. I care about legislation. I want to know why she is qualified to be in the line of succession. Now, I'm a simple man, so the fact that she's a liberal democrat was enough for me to make up my mind, but you're probably more sophisticated than that. So, which is it, were you clapping for deescalation of the war, or for the vagina? Either way, you're an idiot. But back to the point.
Now, I'm not a he-man woman hater. After all, I liked Thatcher, and I'll support a good conservative female candidate if and when we ever have one. So, I wanted to know. I asked one of my liberal coworkers why he thought she was qualified to be our president. "Well, she was married to Bill," he said. How do you like that answer? As if he and Mr. Clinton are drinking buddies. "Bill." That's really all the answer I needed, but I asked again, "So you think that her being a former First Lady makes her the right choice?" He said that it does. Once again, proving our celebrity-minded culture, ladies and gentlemen, we're more interested in what's wrong with Brittney Spears than things that actually matter, because that's where he took the conversation next.
So Mr. Obama wants to be the first African American president, and Mrs. Clinton wants to be the first female president, and they both chose to campaign at the 42nd anniversary of a violent civil rights march. Yes, I said "campaign," and I meant it. Okay, fine. So what did they say about where they want to lead the nation in these precarious times? Absolutely nothing. What they did was ask, in a very transparent way, "Please vote for me, black people." Shameful, but hey, this is politics we're talking about, here, so what did you expect?
Look, I don't care what color or sex our next president will be, I just want someone who has the wisdom, experience, and dedication to be the leader we are going to need. I want substance in leadership. I want a president who will address the nation, our allies abroad, and our enemies with courage, to stand up in the world, not just stand out. Why? As I've said, I'm a simple man, so I'll keep my point simple, as well. Because Osama bin Laden doesn't care what color or sex our next president will be, either. He just wants us all dead.

"Support" Equals "Pitty"

I hear people every day saying, "I support the troops, but I don't support the mission." They have a funny definition of the word, "support." So, let's crack open our Webster's New Dictionary of the English Language, shall we?

1: take sides with
2: provide with food, clothing, and shelter
3: hold up or serve as a foundation for

Well, maybe the second definition is true, but not for long, if Jack Murtha and the House Ways and Means Committee has their way. But let me clear away the fog and tell you what they really mean by "support." These are people who don't like conflict, especially war, and don't believe that war is or has to be an often unavoidable consequence of living on planet Earth with other human beings.
They believe that the only reason anyone would join the military is because they are poor white trash, or because racial prejudice is keeping them from achieving more for themselves. They think the military is filled with nothing but poor, dumb, brutes who would rather not have to kill or be killed, but just had no other way to get into college. So, when they say they support the troops, they're really saying they pity them, that they feel sorry for them, because the boogieman, George W. Bush, is sending them off to die for no reason. They pity them and don't want them to die, they just don't think very highly of them.
Let me tell you a little secret. Our military is filled with people of both sexes and all races, and they joined to serve. They're patriots, they love America, something a lot of these so-called supporters think is cheesy. They want to fight for America, and they're willing and more than able to do so. So stop pitying our soldiers. If you support them, truly support them, then cheer them on to victory.

Unconcious Racism in America

It might be easier to tackle the issue with a little humor. Too often in this country, we fear to talk about the problem of racism in America because our emotions run wild and our tempers flare. Perhaps the worst thing a person could be called is a racist. No one wants to think they are one, and nobody wants others to think they are, but maybe you're a racist and are unaware of it.
We all know that person who swears up and down they're not racially prejudiced. They're the Jetta driving Oprah watchers who find it easy to be open minded because they live so far removed from the problem. It's easy to be open minded when the closest you get to a minority is your television screen. They say, "I'm not a racist, I hate racism. My best friend is black." But as soon as they see an African-American coming toward them in a jogging suit, they make sure the door is locked and the gun is loaded. That's what I call unconscious racism, and it is every bit as bad as the KKK variety.
Just take Mel Gibson as an example. Mel didn't mean to be offensive. He probably didn't even know, at least consciously, that he's an anti-Semite. I mean, do you believe, honestly, that Mel Gibson was sitting around his house, just bored out of his mind, turned to his wife, and said, "You know what, honey? I think I'm going to go do something I haven't done in a while. I think I'm gonna drink a six-pack of beer. Then I'm gonna chase that down with a fifth of tequila. Then I'm gonna drive around Malibu drunk off my ass and I'm gonna hate Jews. Yeah, that sounds fun...and when some cop pulls me over and asks me what the hell I think I'm doing, I'm gonna tell him! I'll say, 'I'm hating Jews! It's fun! I could hate Jews all night! Hey, are you a Jew? I can't wait to see how damaging this is gonna be to my career!'"
Somehow, I don't think so. Michael Richards had the same problem. He probably had no idea that he was such a foul-mouthed bigot. There he was, just trying to be funny without the help of Jerry, the anti-dentite, and the pressure was so great that when he was heckled by an African-American, he lashed out with his own unconscious hate. Do you seriously believe he made a conscious decision to end his career in a busy comedy club by basically announcing to the world that he's a racist? Sure, he said, "This is the perfect time for me to tell you all what a steaming pile of Hitler-filled crap I am! N-word, N-word, N-word!" No, he probably didn't. But consider this...you could probably count on one hand the number of African-Americans have been on that show we all used to watch.
Did I make my point? Are you looking in the mirror? Because it isn't just us white guys, and it's not just in Hollywood. It's everywhere. It's in everybody. It's a poison, and it has the power to destroy this nation. Here's my proof; the fact that I'm even talking about it. Have you ever noticed yourself choosing to wait in a longer line because the short line was run by a Latino cashier? Did you make a conscious decision to not take the seat on the bus next to the Arab? Did you choose not to sit in the section of the restaurant where the white girl is waiting tables? No, you probably didn't even think about it. But it's in you.
Let's stop choosing sides like this was a game of schoolyard kickball. We all have our strengths and weaknesses as Americans, If we stop pointing out the fact that we're different, then maybe we can achieve a merit-based society. In other words, if you speak English, and if you stop telling me you're a Mexican, I'll stop noticing. If you stop pointing out that I'm a white guy and , as such, can never understand, I won't think about that either. Everyone is so wrapped up in their heritage that we can't even agree on our shared American heritage. Let's make a conscious decision to stomp out hatred and intolerance by starting with ourselves. I'll take the first step. From this day on, I will no longer be whitey the blue-eyed devil cracker SOB. I'll just be me, and I'll let you be you. Fair enough?

Remember America?

Do you remember America? Do you remember a strong leader who made you feel good about being an American? Do you remember the inventive and independent spirit of Benjamin Franklin, the determination of George Washington, the wisdom of James Madison, or the resolve of Abraham Lincoln? Do you remember a time when American men and women volunteered to fight for America and their countrymen supported them? I remember, and I miss my country, and I want it back.
When I was growing up, our teachers would take us to the library to watch the space shuttle launches on television. The thought was, "Wow, look what we've accomplished," not, "Oh, well, there goes another seven." We had a president, Ronald Reagan, who saw Libya acting up and said, "That's enough out of you, pipsqueak," and they got the message. Rambo got us out of our Viet Nam funk, Michael Landon was reminding us that God is involved in our lives, G.I. Joe was "A Real American Hero," and I looked up to my big brother, the Eagle Scout.
Of course, I was blessed. Mom and Dad got married and stayed married. Neither of them were drunks or users. They taught me as much as public school did. They encouraged me, but never gave empty praise. They reminded me that the only reason people don't get what they want out of life is the unwillingness to make the proper sacrifices, and that hard work and patience matter as much as talent. They fostered a love of God, family, and country, as well as the need for critical and independent thinking. Others out there probably remember growing up in America a little differently.
Look at the Union from my perspective, though, if you can, and then look at America now. This is more than nostalgia, people. Our kids are under attack by spies who live next door, people who think of themselves as good Americans, not terrorist sleeper cells. If they even hear a baby crying, they automatically suspect abuse. Home-schoolers are attacked by the teachers and politicians because, "Good gracious, maybe the kids aren't being indoctrinated! What if they're not tolerant enough, what if they learn that competition is a good thing? What if enough emphasis isn't put on slavery, or the environment, or how cruel we were to the Native Americans?" Heck, I might even slip and accidentally tell my son that America is a good place, and that sometimes war is necessary.
It goes for those of you who don't have children, too. Yeah, I'm talking to you, too, Joe the liberal Bartender and Judy the feminist restaurateur. You think you're safe? You're not. Remember the sixties activists and hippies who told government that they should be allowed to do whatever the heck they wanted, whenever they wanted to do it? Yeah, they said, "Screw you, man, we'll do any drugs we want, and we'll sleep with whomever we choose, and we'll even walk around naked! You can't tell us what to do! Don't impose your morality on us!" They said that...and then they became the government. Now they want to restrict you. They already have. They've successfully banned smoking in most places. How do you like that, Joe, the government telling you people can't smoke in your bar? Guess what, Judy, the New York City grease police says you can't eat trans fats anymore! Next will come the fat tax.
They say it's for your own good. They know what's best for you, for your children, for your car. Not you. They think you're too stupid to know these things. You need them to tell you. You need them to legislate your lifestyle and mine, too. They'll tell you if you disagree that you're a homophobe, or a racist, or a greedy person who doesn't care enough about Africa, or about your kids' health, or global warming. When will enough be enough? When they legalize post-birth abortion? When they take away your right to free speech because it might be considered hateful? When they pass a law that makes it illegal for men to urinate standing up? Or will it finally be enough when they legalize murder? After all, everything is relative, right? Who are we to judge murderers and thieves? I don't want my children to have to remember America that way. Do you?