Monday, July 1, 2013

From Russia, No Love

Whether you think of NSA contractor Edward Snowden as a whistle-blower or traitor (or maybe both), you have to agree that Tom Hanks did a much better job with the role in 2004's The Terminal.  Alright, I know, it's not the same thing as a Hollywood comedy, but look, this guy is leaking American intelligence secrets, and even the Russians are telling him to shut his yap.  I mean, even Hollywood could never have come up with this.  Can you imagine a film where a guy goes to the Kremlin, says, "I know James Bond's real name, his address, and I'll tell you for free," and some Russian general exclaiming, "Shhhhh!!!! What ze hell iz wrong, vith you, you vant to start Vorld Var Three?!?!"   Snowden has applied for political asylum in Russia (you know...the former Soviet Union),  and Russian President Vladimir Putin (you know...the former KGB guy) won't let him out of the airport.  Putin has reportedly said, "If he likes to stay here, there is one condition: he should cease his work aimed at damaging our American partners."  Wow, Ed, I hate to say it, but when "Ivan" of all people is telling you to zip it, you've probably reached the end of your tether.  Basically, everyone but Julian Assange is telling you to shut the #@*! up, and it's looking more and more like Leavenworth for you.  Sorry, I don't think they'll let you keep your Guy Fawkes mask or your Teddy Bear in the klink.  Just ask "Machine Gun" Kelly.  Who knows, you might even get his old cell.  Now I know what some of you might be thinking- especially you, Lefty- "What's the matter with you, Mr. Johnson, you Orwellian fascist foot-kissing fungii, the country, (and yes, the world!) needs whistle-blowers like Edward Snowden!  He's not a traitor, he's a soldier for the truth!"  First off, Lefty, you need to work on your insults.  Secondly, how much "truth"do we really want out there?  Enough to, say, let the enemy know exactly where our troops are and let them count them?  Thirdly, the other nations of the world are not really as surprised and outraged as the pretend to know why?  Because they're all doing the same thing, just not as well as we are!  But the biggest whammy?  Seriously, when you go around telling The Guardian and anyone else who will listen all the state secrets you know and even Vladimir Putin tells you to cork it, you have to wonder if maybe...just might want to rethink your position.  We're obviously not talking about some spicy e-mails from some foreign mission somewhere...and you're not making a lot of friends. 

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