Nevermind Harry, Send Shaun

Talk about an "about face!" It looks like Prince Harry won't be going to Iraq after all, according to both Sky News and Fox News. Apparently, General Sir Richard Dannatt, as head of the Army, has reservations about sending the prince to a place where people have promised to find him and cut off various body parts, as well as anyone else who happens to be near him. I can't say I blame him, although I was looking forward to the new reality show they were going to make out of the footage. Well, never mind that. I've got the perfect replacement for him. Shaun of the Dead. He may not be a royal, and he may not have any military training, but give him a cricket bat, and he's good to go. If he can cause lethal damage with a vinyl LP, just imagine what he could do with actual weapons! As for Harry, well, I'm sure that the army has plenty of filing and peeling for him to do, so he'll maintain his honor by merely remaining in the service. According to Sky News, the insurgents "had detailed plans to seize the Prince as hostage, even boasting that they had informants in the British camps who would tell them of his movements." Obviously, sending him to Iraq with a bunch of cameras following him around is a serious threat to himself and his fellow soldiers. Shaun, however, while famous, is not on any jihadist hostage list that I'm aware of, so he can go in there and bash heads without endangering others or the monarchy. I look at it this way...the Royal Marines surrendered, James Bond is on "holiday," and Shaun is about the only hero the Brits have left. C'mon, General...how 'bout it?

Prince Harry To Star In War-Time Reality Show...Fergie Pissed!

Well, it was bound to happen. We all knew sending a member of the Royal family into a battlefield could get him shot. I just didn't expect it to be from a camera crew. Yes, the gallant Prince will have his own reality television show, forever capturing on film the true strength of the British nobles and their people. Some say this could make things even more dangerous for the prince...after all, terrorists are already placing bets on who will be the first to cut off a royal body part, but Harry's more annoyed by the attention than worried about his appendages. He says he's just there to fight, and judging by the picture to the left, I'd have to say I believe him. He looks more like Dirty Harry than Prince Harry. Still, I hope Harry lets the cameras roll, because it would be nice to see the royals in a flattering light again. Every time you hear about a member of the royal family, it's always something like, "Charles is having an affair," or, "the Duke of Windsor wears a dress, " or, "the prince dressed up like Hitler for Halloween." Ever since Charles and Diana split up, I felt so embarrassed for these people, and I'm not even English! So, lead your soldiers into battle, good prince, like kings of yore, and let the cameras catch all of the glory. After all, I like you Brits, but you could frankly use a little good PR, for a change. Besides, most everyone is tired of seeing pictures of Fergie on the tabloids...except for me...I think the Duchess looks pretty terrific after losing all of that weight.