Holy Crap! Algore Is Right!

Holy crap! Algore said something I actually agree with! According to Breitbart.com, he was quoted as saying, "What is it about our collective decision-making process that has led us to this state of affairs where we spend much more time in the public forum talking about -- or receiving information about -- Britney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton going to jail?" Well...he's right. Of course, anyone who knows me knows I think global warming is a bunch of crap, so this one instance is probably the only time the former Veep and I will see eye to eye, but I have to give him credit for this one, especially since MTV and Hollywood are what got him and Clinton into the White House. Mind you, he brought this up at his own big-time celebrity book signing in New York, where he was given the Hollywood treatment himself, but at least he's not lost sight of, in his words, "[the] destruction of the boundary between news and entertainment." I mean, here we are in the middle of a war, and people care more about what Rosie O'Dumbass and Elizabeth Hasslebroad think than what's actually going on in Iraq. Ground-breaking abortion legislation goes through in Oklahoma, but most people are busy googling Paris Hilton, not writing their state representatives. When I turn on the radio, I don't want to hear about Mel the jew-hating Gibson, KKKramer, or Anna Nicole's dead body. I don't care how many squares of toilet paper Sheryl Crow uses, and I don't care if Britney Spears is communicating with beings on Mars. Algore may be wrong about global warming, but he's right about America's addiction to these circus freaks we call "celebrities." Then again, it looks like he's on his way to joining them.

Honor Them

When you're firing up the grill this weekend or piling the kids into the car to go to the beach this weekend, I want you to think about something.

3,415 service members have died so far in Operation Iraqi Freedom. 47,424 died in Viet Nam. 33,741 died in Korea. This weekend, we honor those who have fought and are fighting for our country, most of them just kids when their nation called on them, many of them grandfathers now, and so many who have fallen. I'm not going to go into a big rant about why we need to be in Iraq or Afghanistan today, because that isn't what this weekend is for. Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen are not asked what they think about doing their job, they just do it, and they do it well. Be proud of them, even if you think Viet Nam was wrong, even if you think the South will rise again, everyone owes these brave men and women a debt of gratitude, or at the very least, a great deal of respect. So, no debate for me this weekend, I don't care how you feel about the war. To every service member, past, present, and future, I say, "thank-you, and God bless America."

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Here's the headline for "The Blotter" at abcnews.com:

"Bush Authorizes New Covert Action Against Iran"

Do you see what's wrong with this?

This would never have happened back in 1941, folks. For some reason, in this age of instant information and reality T.V. shows, people think we have the right to know everything, and know it now. Apparently, journalists leave their scruples in the dorm room when they graduate, because I can see no reason for reporting on the world wide web that "The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert "black" operation to destabilize the Iranian government..." Does ABC News believe that the government of Iran has not yet discovered that a thing called "the Internet" exist and that the information on it is free and easy to obtain, unlike classified national security intelligence? What the hell is going on here, people, what eve happened to the words "top secret?" For crying out loud, the Iranian government doesn't even need spies, all they have to do is go to the front door and pick up the morning newspaper! ABC News is one of those organisations that is constantly reminding us how awful war is, and yet here they are reporting on intelligence that could cause an international incident! Aaaarrgh! Why don't they just change the name to the Al-Jazzira Broadcasting Company and be done with it? Even if you are against the war, any war, why would you feel compelled to put American lives in jeopardy by reporting this stuff? ABC goes on to say that "Still, some fear that even a nonlethal covert CIA program carries great risks." Gee. You think so? Maybe that's why it was supposed to be a SECRET, you JACKASSES! There used to be a saying in times of war; "Loose lips sink ships." It means, "keep your big mouth shut or you'll kill a thousand of our boys. Shame on you, ABC News. Freedom of the press is one thing, but irresponsibility in journalismis another.

Tin Ear? It's Called "Resolve."

The Speaker of the Blouse is at it again. According to an article on breitbart.com, Speaker Pelosi accused the president of having selective hearing by saying he has a "tin ear." I suppose she's upset because the president refused to compromise, and I could understand that if we were talking about anything other than the war. In war, there can be no compromise, you either win or you lose. Compromise in warfare would be like saying, "hey, I tell you what, we'll only kill you on Tuesdays and Thursdays if you promise not to use soccer balls and baby dolls as bombs." Yeah, right. Wanna shake on it? Anyway, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell gets it. "Look," he said, "we need to have a compromise if we want to get the job done before Memorial Day. We know how to get there. It's to take out the surrender date. Any kind of reasonable benchmarks on the Iraqi government I think are going to have broad bipartisan support. That's clearly the way to get there." You see? By "compromise," he means, "we get what we want, and you get hosed." I'm sick of hearing about compromise. We didn't compromise with Adolf Hitler. We didn't make a deal with Hirohito. We didn't "come to terms" with dictators the way the Speaker would like to do. No. We bombed them until they gave us an unconditional surrender. This is a problem for Pelosi, who says "when it comes to the war in Iraq, the president has a tin ear. He just cannot hear, except that which he wants to hear on it." That's because, Madame Speaker, he is the Commander in Chief of our armed services and he's trying to wage war on a deadly enemy! If she gets her way, all the enemy has to do is go underground, mark our surrender on their calenders, and wait. The president knows this, and, since it is his duty to win this war, he rejects any planned withdrawal date. That's not selective hearing, it's resolve. He refuses to lead by public opinion polls, and that's called having the courage of his convictions. I, for one, don't want a "deal." I want victory. Then again, my hearing's pretty bad, too.

George Carlin Calls Chain Letter Hoax " just plain stupid"

Once and for all, folks, George Carlin is not the author of the chain letter your friends keep sending you. Don't believe me? Go to his website and see for yourself. Go on, I'll wait right here, the link is below.

http://georgecarlin.com/home/home.html

See? Told you so. I kind of suspected it from the start, back when a friend of mine sent me one of these chain letters attributed to Mr. Carlin, and I expressed my doubt in a post from back on Wednesday, March 21, 2007, although I think the author had a valid point about a clear path to citizenship. What I didn't know was that there are other "statements" attributed to good old George. Along with gas and Mexicans, he is also listed as the author of "Paradox of our Time," "I'm A Bad American," and "Katrina Hurricane Rules." So how does he feel about being "emulated" in this way? Carlin says on his website, "because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it." So, the question is, why, if this person feels so strongly about these issues, don;t they put their own name on these articles, or essays, or whatever they are meant to be? I think it falls under the same category as "ass-covering." When you say something that is politically and socially charged as "send all Mexican immigrants to Iraq," you may not get the glowing support of the PC police, but if you say George Carlin said it, well, hey, you're just quoting a source, right? The problem is, Carlin then has to cover his own ass by denying it, because he doesn't need Al Sharpton breathing down his neck like a dragon in heat, so now your message is lost in the world of Internet controversy and no one even remembers what the point was. Anyway, here's my question for all of you people out there who keep googling this topic; do you agree or disagree with the author, and if so, why? I really want to know, because nine out of ten of you have come here because of that topic, not because of my global warming posts, or presidential politics. E-mail me at achristensenjohnson@hotmail.com and tell me what you think of this hoax and its' message and let's have an honest debate. And don't worry, if you post a comment as George Carlin, I promise i won't "out" you...I'll let George do that.

Don't You Believe It!

I know most of you who find this site are not what you'd call "regular readers," so I'll just go ahead and make it known right now. I think global warming is a load of crap. There. Now that we have that out of the way, you can either go back to google and find people you already agree with, or you can stick around and learn. In all of my posts, I have tried to educate you lemmings about the global hoax known as "climate change," and I always think I've presented the most insane scare tactics conceivable, but this one takes the cake. According to metro.co.uk, we only have FIVE YEARS to save the Earth. That's right, if we don't get Johnny Appleseed out globetrotting with his seeds by noon tomorrow, we're all going to fry. A source in this article, James Leape, WWF Internationals' Director General, was quoted as saying, "We have a small window of time in which we can plant the seeds of change, and that is the next five years. We cannot afford to waste them. " Okay. Go back to my post from Sunday, March 11, 2007. I told you about an article in the Toronto Sun by Lorrie Goldstein which explains that even if we planted a grove of trees the size of Alaska, they wouldn't absorb the carbon output of the passengers on one coast to coast flight for 50 years! Well, folks, if we only have five years left, we're already screwed! Look, this is just another scare tactic designed to get every one to accept the carbon taxes government wants to levy. They do this all the time. Think of all of the sci-fi movies that have come out predicting that the world would be a wasteland by 1995. Remember the Mad Max movies? Remember Waterworld? Science fiction is fun, folks, but that's all the theory of global warming is, it's science fiction. Go to realclimate.com, and you'll read the threads of these scientists who, for the most part, earnestly believe that global warming is happening, but keep arguing over what the data actually means. They think they have the answer, they just don't know why, and they can't prove anything. I've done my own modest research, and from what I gather, sometimes the earth is cold, and sometimes the earth is warm, and there's an apparent cycle to it. Maybe you've heard of Orbital forcing, maybe you haven't...but I'll bet you've heard of Summer and Winter. But listen, even if I'm wrong, it doesn't matter. We didn't create the earth, and we certainly can't destroy it. Only God can do that. If and when he decides to, well...you think planting trees and using ethanol is gonna stop him? Don't you believe it.

Nevermind Harry, Send Shaun

Talk about an "about face!" It looks like Prince Harry won't be going to Iraq after all, according to both Sky News and Fox News. Apparently, General Sir Richard Dannatt, as head of the Army, has reservations about sending the prince to a place where people have promised to find him and cut off various body parts, as well as anyone else who happens to be near him. I can't say I blame him, although I was looking forward to the new reality show they were going to make out of the footage. Well, never mind that. I've got the perfect replacement for him. Shaun of the Dead. He may not be a royal, and he may not have any military training, but give him a cricket bat, and he's good to go. If he can cause lethal damage with a vinyl LP, just imagine what he could do with actual weapons! As for Harry, well, I'm sure that the army has plenty of filing and peeling for him to do, so he'll maintain his honor by merely remaining in the service. According to Sky News, the insurgents "had detailed plans to seize the Prince as hostage, even boasting that they had informants in the British camps who would tell them of his movements." Obviously, sending him to Iraq with a bunch of cameras following him around is a serious threat to himself and his fellow soldiers. Shaun, however, while famous, is not on any jihadist hostage list that I'm aware of, so he can go in there and bash heads without endangering others or the monarchy. I look at it this way...the Royal Marines surrendered, James Bond is on "holiday," and Shaun is about the only hero the Brits have left. C'mon, General...how 'bout it?

Prince Harry To Star In War-Time Reality Show...Fergie Pissed!

Well, it was bound to happen. We all knew sending a member of the Royal family into a battlefield could get him shot. I just didn't expect it to be from a camera crew. Yes, the gallant Prince will have his own reality television show, forever capturing on film the true strength of the British nobles and their people. Some say this could make things even more dangerous for the prince...after all, terrorists are already placing bets on who will be the first to cut off a royal body part, but Harry's more annoyed by the attention than worried about his appendages. He says he's just there to fight, and judging by the picture to the left, I'd have to say I believe him. He looks more like Dirty Harry than Prince Harry. Still, I hope Harry lets the cameras roll, because it would be nice to see the royals in a flattering light again. Every time you hear about a member of the royal family, it's always something like, "Charles is having an affair," or, "the Duke of Windsor wears a dress, " or, "the prince dressed up like Hitler for Halloween." Ever since Charles and Diana split up, I felt so embarrassed for these people, and I'm not even English! So, lead your soldiers into battle, good prince, like kings of yore, and let the cameras catch all of the glory. After all, I like you Brits, but you could frankly use a little good PR, for a change. Besides, most everyone is tired of seeing pictures of Fergie on the tabloids...except for me...I think the Duchess looks pretty terrific after losing all of that weight.

The Preventive Defense Project

You know, I used to chuckle at the people who stockpiled bottled water and built panic rooms back in 1999. Remember the big Y2K scare? It seemed so ridiculous, every one being so panicked about a simple computer error, at least to me. Well, I've changed my mind after watching the CBS television show Jericho, and it looks like the government has been watching, too. I've learned from an article in the San Francisco Chronicle that there is, indeed, a deep feeling of concern by government and military officials that Americans should plan for chaos. On Jericho, almost every single major American city (and some minor ones) is obliterated by a nuclear explosion. Even if you haven't seen the program, I'm sure you can imagine the impact after considering what happened in the wake of hurricane Katrina and 9/11. This nonpartisan, joint Stanford-Harvard program, called "the Preventative Defense Project," isn't so much a plan for "prevention," or even "defense," despite the fact that retired Vice Adm. Roger Rufe of Homeland Security is involved. It seem to me to be more of a "clean-up and contain" plan. The phrases that stuck out in the article were "restoring calm," "how to act even if transportation and communication systems break down," and "restrict civil liberties and enforce a sort of martial law." Well....okay. Sure, I guess any plan is better than no plan. Besides, the boys in Washington have done a pretty good job of preventing attacks so far... Anyway, the point is, at least they're thinking. An ounce of prevention was just what we needed in New Orleans, as far as evacuation goes, but the city was still laid to waste, so I guess it's a good idea to have a plan for "The Day After." Katrina survivors will remember that, bizarre as it was to go to the local Winn Dixie to buy some groceries and to be met at the doors by armed soldiers, it was also a relief. Just being able to drive down the street again and see a traffic cop waving you slowly on past the crew restoring the power lines gave you confidence. Imagine, if you will, a nuclear device has been detonated in downtown Tulsa, and the survivors have no roads in or out, no food, no drinkable water, no source of reliable information, and no security. Words like "across the bridge" and "three blocks away" no longer have meaning anymore, because all landmarks have been vaporized. Well...I don't know about you, but I'd be begging for martial law. In the meantime, though, I would like to apologise to all of you Y2K kooks. I'm going o Wal-Mart to stock up on soup, water, and toilet paper. See y'all in the cellar.

Continental Currency?

I love money. Especially cash. There's just nothing like the feel of a fat wallet, and not the bulk that plastic creates, but that good, light-weight feeling you get from good old fashioned American greenbacks. They tried to take away my Washingtons with those goofy Sacajewea coins, but every one pretty much agreed that they were a pain in the neck. I guess I would have adjusted, though, because at least it would've been American currency. There's a growing number of people who think the idea of a central North American Bank is the wave of the future, and the name for this currency, which has been tossed around for a while, now, is "the Amero." What? No way. You're not going to pay me in anything but dollars! There's a guy, his name is Benn Steil, who seems to think it's the only way to sustain the global economy. "In order to globalize safely," the fool says, "countries should abandon monetary nationalism and abolish unwanted currencies, the source of much of today's instability." Hmmm. I thought "the source of much of today's instability" was unstable countries. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's wise to put our money in the same piggy bank as Nicaragua, or even Mexico. What kind of purchase power does the Peso have, can anyone tell me? Do you know the current exchange rate? Currently one U.S. dollar is equal to 10.81400 in pesos. We even beat out the Canadians by about ten cents. You know what happens around here when you try to pass off a Canadian quater at the gas station? The hand it back as politely as they can, and they refuse to accept it as payment! Why? Because it's WORTHLESS here, it's not American money! You can tell by the look in the cashiers' eyes, they're thinking, "nice try, pal." Take a peso to a vending machine and try to buy a Coke with it. Go on, I'll wait here. (Imagining elapsed time) Well? See? It wouldn't take the peso, would it? So, if we go ahead with this ridiculous plan, how much will the "Amero" be worth? Can I buy a hot dog at a ball game with it? Besides, what will be the standard on which we base the currency's worth, the Mexican economy, the Canadian economy, or are we just going to eliminate our borders and make a new United States of Canmexica? Who's face will be on the "Amero," Christopher Columbus, or Montezuma? "We Are The World" my ass, we're the United States of America, and we should stay that way, pennies and all. Yeah, I like pennies, too. Sure, they cost more to make then they're worth, but what do you want to do, it's still 1/100th of a dollar, and it's mine. Keep American currency, strengthen American borders, not erase them, and promote patriotism whenever and wherever you can.

But Can He Write A Line Of Code?

You here a lot of talk these days about how sophisticated kids are. On the television, the soccer mom selling furniture polish tells you how amazing it is that kids are "computer savvy" at age three. That lady? She's an actress. Those kids? just finished potty training. They are not "computer savvy." In fact, they aren't even "toilet savvy," because they still need help with the toilet paper and almost never, ever flush. Still, those people on Madison Avenue think it's so cute that you have a Barney game your three year-old can use, so long as only a mouse is needed, so they try to sell you products that are supposed to be "smart" like your genius mouse-using kid. If you have kids, this will be no secret, but for the rest of you, listen up. A monkey can use a mouse. Yep. Pointing and clicking does not a genius make. Show me one of these supposedly computer savvy children and I'll show you a kid who can press enter and respond to simple voice prompts. Usually, when I tell one of my kids they can play a game on cartoonnetwork.com , I don't even make it three steps before they yell, "Daa-aad, c'mere!" Which usually means they have locked up my computer and accidentally invited a whole bunch of worms and viruses into the house. We make a big fuss about our kids because we want other people to be as impressed with our offspring as we (sometimes) are, but be realistic. Kids don't really know what they're doing on the internet, or on your system. They can blow up your machine by simply playing solitaire, they don't even need the world wide web to do it. They just say, "Dad, can you set up blah blah blah for me, I know how to do the rest," and the next thing you know, a guy like me is ringing the doorbell saying, "Hi, you called my business? Something about a bad motherboard?" Monitor your child, and don't just oversee their usage of the big, bad internet, but also teach them the general mechanics of the machine. Rule of thumb is, if they have to call you more than twice in 10 seconds to figure something out, they're too young. I know, I know, I must be talking about everyone's child but yours. After all, your kid can use a mouse! Heck, he'll probably be dreaming in lines of code by the time he's five, like he was born in The Matrix, or something. But ask yourself this. Sure, Jimmy can point and click, but can he check the device drivers if there's a problem? No? Well...probably not a genius then. He's not "spoon boy." Watch him. Then go to the phone book and look up my number. Have a boot disk ready for me when I get there.

The President's New Cabinet

I don't know about you, but I'm having a tough time deciding who to back in the 2008 presidential election. Sure, Sam Brownback seems conservative, but I don't agree with his opinions on Iraq. Rudy Giulliani is tough on crime and says he'll reverse Roe Versus Wade, but can I believe him? John McCaine is a winner in Iraq, but Immigration is a weakness. And Newt? Well, sure, he's the anti-Hillary, but will he run? What if we had other options? Here's the Dream Team. Christopher Walkin for president, you know, I mean if he were the character he played in True Romance. James Woods from the TV show Shark could be his running mate. Think of Sabastian Stark with an army to command. Yeah...there's a guy who gets things done. Sure, with Jack Bauer from 24 as Secretary of Defense, they'd be unstoppable. Let's see...Secretary of State...how about Hugh Laurie from House? Sure, his methods are unorthodox, and he may not tell you exactly what you want to hear, but he finds the cure evey week, right? The guy's brilliant. Attorney General? That broad from Close To Home. Good lawyer, her. Now you need a cabinet. It's a no-brainer. Goodfellas. If I wanted a job done, and I mean done, I'd call Joe Pecci and Robert DeNiro. We might have some loyalty issues with Ray Liota, but maybe ole' Sorvino can keep him in line...or should I say, "lines." I just love the idea of Robert DeNiro on Fox News saying, "Yo, Ahmedinajad! You talkin' to me?" Or Joe Pecci turning to Rosie O'Donnell on The View and saying, "So..what, you think I'm funny?" Oh, yeah, and we could get Bruce Willis as his character from The Siege to head up central command in Iraq! I know, I know, they're just actors portraying parts. I just hope that the current candidates aren't.

Knock It Off, Already!

Hey, you anarchist, where ever you are out there, whomever you are....knock it off. I'm serious. Stop causing trouble, all you're doing is filling my e-mail with junk. These stupid chain letters are driving me crazy and making people paranoid. If you want to run Exxon or ConEd out of business, do it the old fashioned way. You almost had us with the George Carlin thing. The black out "sat photos" would be convincing, if your time frame had any continuity. But you've tried the "gas-out" thing before, and we're starting to get hip to you. Get a grip. Capitalism works. Look, anyone who reads this, please, I know my readership isn't large, but if you found me, you can hear me. Stop spreading this stuff around. It is useless misinformation, and the author's intent is to cause enough havoc to satisfy his or her own ego. The threat of a "gas-out" sounds like a call to the common man, but do you know how many thousands of American jobs will be effected if you fall for it? And you, you commie swine, the person that writes this drivel and passes it around as fact, have you considered the "common man" who works for Consolidated Edison or Exxon Mobil? What will happen when "millions of Americans" buy into this crap and stop buying fuel on the dates you suggest? If no one buys fuel, no one gets paid. If no one gets paid, then who is going to work the pump when you need to get somewhere, or answer the phone when you have a tech question that will help you pirate more movies from Singapore? Even your criminal efforts are capital-driven, so stop being so smug and just quit. We get it. You're clever. But so are we. I will make it my mission in life, after the global warming hoax, that is, to expose you as a fraud, so you keep sending, and I'll keep educating. For those of you who fall prey to this sort of thing, I can say only this: Google is good for more than just finding pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt in just her bra. Do the research.

Even PCs must be PC?

How do you know when political correctness has gone too far? If your own name is flagged for being inappropriate, well...that would be a good start. As reported in a story by worldnetdaily out of New Zealand, Gay Hamilton, a lesbian teacher, was sent an automated response which reads, "[Your email] was identified by our content filtering processes as containing language that may be considered inappropriate for business-like communication. ... The content which caused this to happen was ... 'gay' eight times, at two points each, for an expression score of 16 points." Yep, Gay was too "gay," but not because she is gay, because she's called Gay. The irony meter is off the charts on this one. Telecom, the broadband provider that sent the automated messege, says the messege was never meant for Ms. Hamilton, but for employees as part of a general filtering process. One has to wonder, though, why this process is needed at all. To increase productivity, or as employers like to say, to keep employees from "hooking up" on myspace.com, they place filters on their sites to make sure workers stay on task. Despite the obvious, I'll go ahead and give you the dictionary definition of the word "gay"as listed by dictionary.com.
gay /geɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[gey] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb
–adjective
1.
having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.
2.
bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
3.
given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
4.
licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
5.
homosexual.
6.
of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization. –noun
7.
a homosexual person, esp. a male. –adverb
8.
in a gay manner.
[Origin: 1275–1325; 1950–55 for def. 5; ME gai < OF < Gmc; cf. OHG gāhi fast, sudden] —Related forms
gayness, noun
So, there you go. Another perfectly normal name corrupted by the tortured language of political correctness. Sure, she may have been writing e-mails about being gay, but she was talking about what her parents named her! Think about people who have nicknames like, "Dick," or "Harry," or even "Rosie." I hope my name never goes into the lexicon of public usage as "inappropriate for business-like communication." Oh...WAIT! It already has. Remember those "Big Johnson" T-Shirts from the 90's? I'm in so much trouble......My whole name will be banned as offensive. I won't be allowed to blog anymore, because my PC won't be PC.....You can find me at the bar, drinking my sorrows away with Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus. Just don't call me by name. Apparently, it's offensive.